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A conversation with Roberta Flack
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Roberta Flack
Roberta Flack born February 10th, 1939 (Aquarius)
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On account of a strange accident occurred to her cousin, Roberta Flack has acquired an irrational phobia for mechanical typewriters and a rational one for spiders (pixabay photo)

Roberta, you are well known for your bizarre demands when staying in hotels. Is it true? Could you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you usually ask?
Lately I've found that I can't live without green glow-in-the-dark slippers or ketchup-flavored cotton-candy delivered every morning to my door.

Which is your favorite book?
I've quite a soft spot for "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Gary Larson.

You surely mean, by Stieg Larsson?
I'm not used to be lambasted by ugly interviewers, and anyway I think we can agree to disagree.

What’s your biggest defect?
I think my worst defect is that I'm very self-centered. Clearly, I'm too good to be an egotist, but usually I follow my thoughts and I wonder what zebras think when they listen to Bach.

What's the strangest nightmare you have ever had?
I dreamed being reproached by a Thomas Alva Edison impersonator. I kept yelling "I did not paint my uncle's cow".

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
In my dreams it is a bobcat. A big, fat, serene bobcat, full and heavy-eyed in the shade of a large tree.

What do you think about the international situation?
The hell with it! It's hard to figure it when you spend your days in dreams made of rainbows pampered by capable servants, but in these injured times there are countries where it is difficult to find even a just passable frankfurter with or without mayo.

Does your secretary use a pseudonym when he books, say, a hotel suite? You know, to protect your privacy and to elude fans and reporters
That's for certain! We'll do whatever is necessary to get rid of those cannibals. We usually adopt the pseudonym "Roberta Flick".

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Roberta Flack's secret telephone number :
8150977958 2735156935 9021283521 781869106 5340972412 6535856989 920392379 368271102 849831633 371847069 9507905512 9181136224 938462767 935061960 3902786548 5959752705 2000860930 933022381 4749597350 751723707
I patiently lay in wait forever before being able to have a hurried exchange with Roberta Flack. The resulting transcription was amazing, like "Crime and Punishment" rewritten by Magneto. Hence, it was highly unlucky, to put it mildly, that my neighbor set my only copy on fire! After I dissimulated devastating emotions, I attempted to recapture those magnificent words. I want to be aboveboard, I'm not really certain this web page is a perfectly truthful account of our rendezvous, and now I'm starting to doubt it actually happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.
a YUT (Yelling Useless Things) exclusive.