Yelling Useless Things
(radically made up interviews)
An interview with Roberta Flack
Roberta Flack
Roberta Flack born February 10th, 1939 (Aquarius)
Apart from singing, Roberta Flack's second best choice as working career would be professional olive pitter (pixabay photo)

Which is your favorite book?
I'm wild about "Twilight" by Stephanie Bayern.

You mean, by Stephenie Meyer?
I think you are confusing the book with the movie, however I've heard it both ways.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a purple squirrel on my hand. It implements a radiotransmitter, so I can be retrieved if I get lost in Tucson outskirts, but unluckily it works better if I'm slightly disrobed.

Is there a deep meaning hidden in "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"?
You betcha! That a man's got to know his limitations.

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar phobia?
Yes, actually I do! I have acquired an unreasonable fear for the color purple, after a strange accident happened to my cousin. I'm also scared by porcelain dolls, but that is quite common.

What’s your worst habit?
I snore like a befuddled truck driver.

Roberta, which is your favorite fruit?
It is called "Roberta's miracle". In the middle of one of my peregrinations in the Atacama desert, I discovered a new tree, now named Ampelodoxa affinis, that blooms only every 7 years. It then gives fruits whose flavor reminds of peaches and chives. You have to be rich enough even to unlike it...

Are you superstitious?
Maybe! I use to avoid any food whose name contains the letter "W" right before a relevant event.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Roberta Flack's secret telephone number :
3337795404 9162857600 641821451 7881248130 5492468004 5901536133 6602674836 498157011 7762276117 4906285368 3411476716 9840417320 7413510697 8221686787 2767681487 8415761788 7240948755 630858312 9790771075 7157177490
I have a confession to make. My chief had patiently set up my little conversation with Roberta Flack many days beforehand. Unluckily, I realized at the last moment that I had better things to do, like collecting toothbrushes or breeding newts. So, this web page is mainly based on what Roberta Flack would have probably said if I have met her, as indicated by a statistics involving a couple of her fans.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Amy Macdonald Ben Stiller Harrison Ford Emily Kinney Jack Johnson P!nk Linda Ronstadt John Francis Daley Ashley Judd Wiz Khalifa Charlie Day Adam Levine Sarah Shahi Jaleel White Shannon Elizabeth Ed Sheeran Chris Brown Keira Knightley Cristin Milioti
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.
a YUT (Yelling Useless Things) exclusive.