Yelling Useless Things
(totally simulated confabulations)
A conversation with Rupert Friend
Rupert Friend
Rupert Friend born October 9th, 1981 (Libra)
Few people know that Rupert Friend has registered a patent for an inflatable tie. (source)

What motivates you to act?
Essentially, everybody likes the sound of my voice.

What's the most uncanny dream you remember?
I dreamed being castigated by a Mozart impersonator, while I kept yelling "I did not paint my aunt's cow".

Could you improvise a song for us.
Absolutely! Here it is

The baboon of remorse
The uncanny baboon of remorse
dies on the foggy meadows of madness
when I stare at the mourning of my planet.
If only it had been the pork of remorse
we could have bacon at least.

Apart from acting, is there something you do better than anybody else?
Actually, I can flap my ears rhythmically.

How famous do you think you are, on a scale of one to ten?
I forgot the statistics. I think I'm a three in Reno, but a ten in Congo.

Your agent told me you are just back from a filming location in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be frank, I spent 2 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I got the idea it was not the Sheraton hotel. However, I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To harden my ego, I frequently take a nap on a cot made of shards of glass.

An imaginary character you think to as your doppelganger?
Michelangelo, because of our deep clever eyes. We both love cute pandas.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Rupert Friend's private telephone number :
9006199327 699490852 6795465173 5796028316 3013487893 2525671985 9862098909 5854537706 311166999 8611961221 3648114165 5357911496 676456999 9211204696 2292363348 4340333707 493391907 7898223453 3699710309 4391093944
To be frank, my boss had set up my little interview with Rupert Friend months beforehand. Unluckily, I realized at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like growing lichens or grooming my pet sheep. So, this web page is mainly the elaboration of a dream that followed after a dinner of beans and raw broccoli.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.
a YUT (Yelling Useless Things) exclusive.