Yelling Useless Things
(completely simulated interviews)
A talk with Vanessa Carlton
Vanessa Carlton
Vanessa Carlton born August 16th, 1980 (Leo)
To fortify her character, Vanessa Carlton often sleeps on a mattress made of fresh nettle (pixabay photo)

You are just back from a series of concerts in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be honest, I spent 4 full weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I saw daylight and realized it was not the Hilton hotel. Funny thing: I learnt to levitate just a little.

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar phobia?
I have developed an irrational fear for venetian blinds, owing to an uncanny accident happened to my aunt. I'm also terrified by lions, but that is quite normal.

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Usually I eat super-natural alternative products, because I care about my beauty and our mother Earth. For example, this week I have an obsession for seaweeds and miso, which I found fantastic with frankfurters.

What’s the best sound in the world?
Surely it is the gentle whisper of a bunch of new banknotes caressing each other. However, my agent urges you to write instead something more likeable, for example "the first 'mom' of your kid" or "the soothing purr of a content kitten".

Vanessa, should you give up singing, which kind of occupation would you like to pick up?
Almost surely that of ostrich breeder. I already have some experience in that field.

Which is your favorite movie?
Surely "Dungeon and Dragons". I think that Jeremy Irons was really in the "zone".

Are you allergic to anything?
Actually, I have a little intolerance to zebras, calcium oxide and rainbows.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
It is a chipmunk. A big, fat, poised chipmunk, full and somnolent in a summer breeze.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Vanessa Carlton's home telephone number is listed here :
340506740 787662833 6471618775 4177621402 9380085475 5607631387 9180729461 7905281377 4789085613 7438807995 6459245698 4465416682 916187150 391125845 5216029060 848245963 4124047004 8601628134 4596025732 7111377929
Singers are very over-booked people. It's difficult for them to fix a meeting for an interview. So we decided to leave Vanessa Carlton alone and we obtained the interview above without disturbing her. Therefore, this web page is an a cybernetic transcription we obtained employing a computer simulation of Vanessa.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Linda Ronstadt Alexis Bledel Idina Menzel Chris Pratt Nicola Peltz Jensen Ackles Shirley Henderson Robbie Amell Tilda Swinton Amy Poehler Peter Dinklage Vanessa Hudgens Colin Firth Matt Smith Kesha Geoffrey Rush Luke Evans Joe Jackson Pixie Lott
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.
a YUT (Yelling Useless Things) exclusive.