Yelling Useless Things
(thoroughly untrustworthy conversations)
An interview with Tiffany
Tiffany born October 2nd, 1971 (Libra)
During an unsettling gathering, Tiffany was transiently mutated into a good-tempered goat (pixabay photo)

Do you know Henry Garcia (a former cabler, now a radio journalist) from Baltimore?
Not personally, but my aunt has been married to him for 2 months. Then there was some commotion about Henry having affairs with every kitten from Baltimore outskirts, so their marriage came to a hasty end.

Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I believe that cooking is quite a waste of time, since there are canteens and diners willing to provide my daily RDA of sugars and carbohydrates. In the few occasions I indulge in cooking for my friends, I like to devise salads. My treasure is a mix of salami and amaranth, which I assume can accomodate both vegs and normal people.

Interesting! Could you share the recipe with us?
By all means! You take the salami and the amaranth and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some baguettes.

Do not mind, my recipe comes from one for sandwiches. After you made those sandwiches, you throw away the bread and mix salami and amaranth with some cranberry sauce and voilà, you are done!

Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To steel my spirit, I periodically take a nap on a mattress made of rough sandpaper and barbed wire liberally showered with chili.

Who are your heroes?
Kevin (the imaginary cousin of Thomas Jefferson), Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and myself.

I heard you are just back from a tour in Tibet. How was the accomodation?
To be honest, I lived 4 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before realizing it was not the Sheraton hotel. In the meantime, I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.

Can you tell me the square root of 971588645?
No, numbers with so many digits could only be telephone numbers, not true numbers.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Tiffany's private telephone number is listed here :
968723769 6090874602 483581239 968988911 4863450108 8670673971 9612096311 4293375724 6520346055 8900842378 3488022378 2210060635 7444817676 479037543 6420220184 621471530 401871196 8157928176 5504720081 3706888181
To be honest, my chief had lined up my hurried appointment with Tiffany several months beforehand. Unluckily, my pet dog got astigmatism, so I had to skip the talk. So, the interview above is mainly the impression of a dream I had after a heavy dinner based on deep-fried bell peppers and raw onions.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Drew Barrymore Claire Danes Nikki Reed Scarlett Johansson Patrick Dempsey Noa Colbie Caillat Frank Grillo Ariana Grande Aretha Franklin Christina Ricci Pierce Brosnan Alfonso Ribeiro Al Pacino Chloë Grace Moretz Dannii Minogue Grant Gustin Mark Hamill Vince Vaughn
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.
a YUT (Yelling Useless Things) exclusive.