Do people yell your name and applaud everywhere you go?
Yes! I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I'm inescapable: I delight eminent neurosurgeons and featureless bookkeepers to the same extent. It's nice to hear that there are at least 15 boulevards with my name in two different countries, not counting Swaziland and Gondor.
Your zodiac sign is Taurus. May I read you your horoscope?
Please proceed, my fans say I'm a sucker for zodiacal craziness.
You will feel abandoned by your fans, like an imponderable screen is between you and them. A spidery buzz in your ears will tell you that maybe they are plotting against your life.
My giddy aunt! You are dead on!
Alexander, you are well known for your eccentric demands when staying in hotels. Can you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you may ask?
Alexander needs what Alexander needs, and he generally gets it. Whether it's astronaut memoirs or yellow glow-in-the-dark underwear made of petals.
Which is the worst DVD in your collection?
Balderdash! Apart from "Disaster Movie", I fear it is "The Adventures Of Rocky & Bullwinkle" or "Spice World".
If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
It's a no-brainer! Indiana Jones.
You know that that's not a real person, don't you?
It's not!? How could you say that to me so empty-heartedly!?
What do you think about the international situation?
I think it is presently quite bleak, since in these injured times there are countries where it is difficult to find even a barely passable hamburger.
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