A conversation with Alyson Stoner
Alyson Stoner
Alyson Stoner born August 11th, 1993 (Leo)
Her early breakfast when she is on diet (pixabay photo)

Do you do your own shopping?
I say not! Actually, I pay a bunch of shopping experts to elaborate my grocery list and e-mail it to a crew of professional buyers spread around the world. For the garnments, which are always critical, I ever retain a bunch of surrogates, one for each body part.

Do you have any scar?
I have a tiny bullet shaped scar on my right shin, a memory of my tough brawl with a raving chipmunk.

In an article printed on Texan Journal of Quantitative Linguistics, prof. Anthony Walker observed that your roles are "a dramatic recapitulation of today contextual eternalism". Anything to add?
Actually, it is clear that in his interesting letter published on Transactions on Applied Metaphysics, dr. Ryan Nelson totally disproved that dubious observation.

Have you ever participated in a séance?
Yep, just once. It was an extremely unsettling experience. At a certain point, the ghost of Francis Crick manifested and determined that almost surely I'm the reincarnation of an Ernest Hemingway's cousin.

What's your earliest memory?
Not many people know that I have the power of total recall. Indeed, I remember pretty well the moment I saw the light. It was a day in August. An almost perfect summer day, the wildflowers glowing under the sun in the meadows. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, soaked from head to toe with blood and other bodily fluids, in a room full of yelling people, moving around like wingless flies. The first, but not the best day of my life...

I hoped in something more cheerful.
That's nothing, my existence is like a walk into an exploding geyser.

If I may say so, Alyson, you are well known for your unconventional demands when staying in hotels. Can you tell us why and maybe make an example of something you may ask?
Alyson needs what Alyson needs, and she generally gets it. Whether it's dehydrated gin or industrially-made pasta.

Are you allergic to anything?
Actually, I'm allergic to negativity, hamster tears, and cholesterol.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Alyson Stoner's secret telephone number :
499126400 2203402861 9490538629 8269286641 2368813887 548798862 8620380446 5434362824 4975807948 5189097981 6514277790 7686926921 8170833402 5931888170 3391276703 486222506 4542730508 4782661948 3670553515 545017187
I queued up for many years for the privilege to have a hurried meeting with Alyson Stoner. The resulting article was staggering, like it was written by the ghost of James Joice in his prime. It was highly deplorable that my dog set my only copy on fire! After I recounted my vitals, I attempted to recapture those magnificent words. To be clear, I'm not so certain this web page is a perfectly precise chronicle of our conversation, and I'm starting to be uncertain it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.