A conversation with Angélica Celaya
Angélica Celaya
Angélica Celaya born July 9th, 1982 (Cancer)
Many people like to collect coins. Angélica Celaya is specialized into collecting coins that have been eaten by accident. (pixabay photo)

I'm here tonight with a special guest, Angélica Celaya, who just made her way through her last movie. Hi, Angélica, and welcome to Even More Useless Celebrity Facts.
Good evening to you, and thank you for inviting me.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
Jennifer Aniston. We were in the same chess club when we were in first grade.

Which is your technique for perfect skin?
Only few know it is a soaking into cold unicorn blood once a month.

Is there something you would like to do right now?
You bet. Meditate on your mortality.

Can you share with us a memory of your role in "The Darkness Beneath"?
Indeed! All the other actors were chomping salami spiced candies all the time.

Have you ever participated in a séance?
That's right! But just once. It was an uncanny experience. Suddenly, the spirit of Socrates manifested and conjectured that almost surely I'm the reincarnation of an Ernest Hemingway's homonym.

What’s the best sound in the world?
It is the calming tinkle of two emeralds kissing each other. But please, write instead something more fashionable, say, "the snore of your sleeping child" or "the joyful giggle of a delighted kid ".

In an article printed on Canadian Journal of Theoretical Psychiatry, dr. Albert Parker has described your roles as "a dramatic quintessence of present-day conceptual reductionism". Any comment?
Yes, I think that in his recent letter published on Pacific Engineering Annals, prof. Andrew L. Rivera totally disproved that forced theory.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Angélica Celaya's private telephone number :
4701401925 3881258940 6636296014 2355755962 8071562157 6057275900 7349647355 8669160008 8374689696 602298740 6812107163 634071309 914448931 899205846 968670948 507986166 8373823398 792772233 3017849419 4447670147
To be frank, my director had set up my hurried interview with Angélica Celaya many months beforehand. Unluckily, I decided at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like breeding snails or collecting pencil erasers. So, the transcript above is essentially the elaboration of a nightmare I had after a large dinner based on salami and deep-fried eggplants.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.