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An interview with Aretha Franklin
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Aretha Franklin
Aretha Franklin born March 25th, 1942 (Aries)
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Aretha Franklin, partecipating under false pretence, has obtained an onorable 16th position at the Beard and Moustache Championship (source)

Do you know any good indigestion cure?
I'll do! Here it is my instant treatment for indigestion. Mix two parts of red wine, three parts of instant coffee and some cranberry sauce in the skull of an ocelot, then guzzle this concoction every 15 minutes for at least 2 hours.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a green raccoon on my arm. It is glowing in the dark, so I can be retrieved if I get lost in a desert, but unfortunately it works better if I'm slightly undressed.

On a scale of one to ten, how famous are you?
I have no clue. Probably, I'm a one in Fresno, but an eight in Tibet.

Do you know Doris Nelson (a former plumbing inspector, now a mixed crop farmer) from New Orleans?
No, I don't, but my uncle has been briefly betrothed to her. Then there was half a scandal about Doris cheating on him with every man in a radius of 20 miles, so their engagement came to a quick conclusion.

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Most of the times I choose super-natural indie products, because I do pay attention to my skin and our world. For example, this week I have a crush for shiitake mushrooms and yak yogurt, both amazing inside a cheeseburger.

Which is your favorite snack?
Bananas with dill, a bacon slice, two parmesan cheese slices, and a few drops of sparkling wine.

Have you ever participated in a séance?
Yes, just once. It was an uncanny experience. Suddenly, the ghost of Julius Caesar appeared and determined that almost surely I'm the reincarnation of a Vincent van Gogh's uncle.

Which is your forthcoming musical experiment?
I'll soon release a vinyl-only experimental album of rap covers of Joe Cocker greatest hits, sung in Greek, Klingonese and Filipino. I believe it will be the masterpiece of my career.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Aretha Franklin's secret telephone number :
4904387222 9279383234 624339459 7163447337 715273998 5508579066 6748747512 4876046257 2258468633 7102310392 6753310647 8973048748 5171013846 4956067294 3240389621 927990490 553877683 6855154902 468224174 9942669792
I queued up for several weeks for the privilege to have a hurried conversation with Aretha Franklin. The resulting piece was awe-inspiring, like it was written by the spirit of F. Scott Fitzgerald after too much champagne. Hence, it was very lamentable that my neighbor (probably on purpose!) set my only copy on fire! After I sobered out, I made an attempt to extract from my fading neurons those stunning words. So, to be aboveboard here: I'm not one hundred percent sure this web page is a perfectly genuine run-down of our appointment, and now I'm starting to be uncertain it ever was real...
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Patrick Warburton Jenna Coleman Carrie Fisher Renée Zellweger Pauley Perrette Sean Penn Lucy Hale Christina Aguilera Tom Cavanagh Dane DeHaan Abbie Cornish Laurie Holden Tyler Perry Jon Hamm Thomas Brodie-Sangster Madeline Zima Dakota Fanning Candi Staton Ryan Kwanten
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.