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A conversation with Ashton Kutcher
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Ashton Kutcher
Ashton Kutcher born February 7th, 1978 (Aquarius)
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Ashton Kutcher is currently writing his unofficial autobiography, a long due work soon to be released in daily instalments. (pixabay photo)

I'm here tonight with Ashton Kutcher, who just saw the birth of his last movie. Hi, Ashton, and welcome to Even More Useless Celebrity Factoids.
Good evening to you, and thank you for calling me.

Ashton, should you give up acting, which occupation would you like to choose?
Probably that of salt miner. I already have quite an experience in that field.

Who were you in your first school play?
I remember it quite well. It was a play on the life of Sigmund Freud. I was the comic relief in the part of a discombobulated Pennsylvania congressman.

I heard that you will soon participate to a charity cooking marathon. Care to tell us why'd you decide to undertake such an effort?
It was my momma's idea.

And since when did you feel a need to address the delicate issue of chickenpox?
Since I thought I contracted it.

Are you aware of the rumors about you and the shuttle appearing in your last movie?
It wasn't my fault, and whatever rumour you heard about it has been overemphasized by the journalists.

When you were a little boy, did you see acting as your career?
Sadly no, and I still dream that, one day, USA Today will publish my essays.

Ashton, you appear to be always so effervescent and full of life. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to admit it, but I do. I think that each person has two sides. For example, when I look at another actor, my vision fades out and irritation darkens my soul. And all of a sudden, I sense the need to close forever those ogling eyes. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to know that side.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Ashton Kutcher's home telephone number :
9381496153 3702439784 7923009864 6877480650 6514219639 6003120741 561486771 8504879089 4035255862 7439877398 890644340 682325438 995104054 8698798377 2587324245 333536165 7798704471 810418583 2223868443 8051100875
I patiently lined up a meeting with Ashton Kutcher many weeks in advance. The resulting article was awesome, like it was written by Dr. Seuss under the effects of unhealthy beverages. So, it was highly unfavorable that my cousin Kevin (maybe on purpose!) ate my only copy! After I showed vital signs again, I made an effort to recapture those imposing words. I want to be frank, I'm not really so certain this web page is a totally truly account of what transpired during our conversation, and thus I'm beginning to question whether it ever took place...
Other interviews worth checking:
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.