A talk with Ashton Kutcher
Ashton Kutcher
Ashton Kutcher born February 7th, 1978 (Aquarius)
Robert W. Wright, the new Ashton Kutcher's head of security, is always experimenting different methods to keep away stalkers and annoying followers (pixabay photo)

As everybody knows, the problem of calculi in baboons is reaching epic proportions. Is Ashton Kutcher doing anything in this respect?
Yup! I will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night every two weeks. The proceeds ($1,500 per night) will be donated to a foundation for the cure of calculi in baboons.

If I may say so, Ashton, you are also well known for your eccentric demands when staying in hotels. Can you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you usually ask?
Lately I've found that I can't live without a salami pizza or mammoth jerky delivered every three hours to my suite.

Should you give up acting, which kind of career would you like to pick up?
Probably that of football mascot. I already have some experience in that field.

Do you use an alias when you arrange for a limo? You know, to protect your privacy and to avoid admirers and journalists
Absolutely! We'll do anything to get rid of those imps. I generally employ the moniker "Ashton Kytcher".

Ashton, which is your favorite fruit?
It is called "Ashton's prodigy". During one of my explorations of the Borneo rainforest, I discovered an unremarkable unknown shrub, now named Apodantepella livida, which every 5 years blooms and gives fruits whose flavor reminds of mangoes and gravy. It may sound disagreeable, but it's kind of moreish.

You were brilliant in "The Butterfly Effect". Were you given plenty of room to mold your character?
Absolutely! In the original screenplay my character was a woman. With a glass eye, for Pete's sake!

Are you superstitious?
Positively! I swear in Chinese right before a significant interview.

If I may ask, do you have any particular phobia?
Yes sir! I have acquired an irrational phobia for the color purple, owing to a freak accident happened to my aunt. I'm also terrified by séances, but that is quite common.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Ashton Kutcher's home telephone number :
928471734 398111077 8372303561 8271472433 2304427841 7143472225 3590324551 5817470805 626407034 5098120866 7546693790 8562935928 3295460506 7114674315 7580829720 800153679 8524920389 426883702 3832057019 9853978135
I planned a short interview with Ashton Kutcher for months. The resulting interview was imposing, like "David Copperfield" rewritten by Captain America. Hence, it was highly deplorable that my neighbor (on purpose!) set my only copy on fire! After I emerged from coma, I attempted to recapture those fantastic words. Actually, to be straight here: I'm not so certain this web page contains a totally factual run-down of what transpired during our exchange, and thus I'm beginning to doubt it actually happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.