A talk with Autumn Reeser
Autumn Reeser
Autumn Reeser born September 21st, 1980 (Virgo)
Timbadoo, the adored pet fish of Autumn Reeser, could also double as a protein treat in case of protracted famine (pixabay photo)

You seem to be always so lively and chirpy. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to confess it, but I do. I believe that each person has two sides. Sometimes, when I look at a colleague, irritation darkens my soul and my teeth rattle with fury. And suddenly, I fight the need to erase her jeering smile. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to hear about that side.

I've heard you are writing a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The actual details on my forthcoming book will soon be published in another book. What I can divulge here is that it will be my unauthorized autobiography. It will be tattoed on backs and legs of 900 volunteers that will be dispersed in Fresno.

Have you made resolutions for the New Year?
My resolution is to obtain a license for flying my dirigible.

Is there something you would like to do right now?
Quite. Walk away on my legs.

Do you do your own shopping?
I'm so absorbed in performing very crucial things for all the people that I can't waste time on such trifles. Actually, I have a team of Stanford dropouts to compile my grocery list and pass it along to a number of professional buyers spread around the world. For the garnments, always a critical issue, I ever pay a gang of stand-in, one for each body part.

Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To fortify my spirit, I often take a siesta on a bunk made of rough sandpaper and nails liberally peppered with vinegar.

Your zodiac sign is Virgo. Are you a typical Virgo?
Forget it! I'm sometimes moody, somehow sleepy, surrendering and itchy. My friends say that I'm also a little inconsistent but that I think it is normal in artist.

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft or Professor Layton?
Are these the only bass players you can name?

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Autumn Reeser's secret telephone number :
2535299732 3314057630 308712214 5431042864 2458000361 9827759027 8148179741 3822287340 4104502837 6422998719 9856799885 8281897087 579417246 665888045 6402580938 3977670152 9248591252 6046063595 849129136 7712242369
My chief had patiently arranged my brief appointment with Autumn Reeser several days beforehand. Unluckily, I decided at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like breeding scorpions or learning Armenian. So, this web page is essentially the elaboration of a dream that followed after a dinner of beans and raw onions.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.