A conversation with Barbra Streisand
Barbra Streisand
Barbra Streisand born April 24th, 1942 (Taurus)
During an uncanny séance, Barbra Streisand was briefly converted into a non-demoniac goat (pixabay photo)

I'm here tonight with a special guest, Barbra Streisand, who just saw the birth of her last album. Hi, Barbra, and welcome to Celebrity Wondercouch.
Good evening to you, and thank you for inviting me.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my spirit tougher, I frequently take a nap on a bunk made of barbed wire.

Do you use a pseudonym when you book, say, a limo? You know, to protect your privacy and to deceive stalkers and devotees
You bet! We go to extremes to avoid those nuisances. I generally use the alias "Barbra Striisand".

Do you like to cook?
To be frank, I think that cooking is quite a waste of time, since there are relatives and fast food joints willing to deliver my daily intake of sugars and carbs. In the few occasions I indulge in cooking for my acolytes, I like to devise salads. My cornerstone is a mix of salami and seaweeds, which I assume can be fine for both vegetarians and normal people.

Interesting! Could you share the recipe with us?
Yep! You take the salami and the seaweeds and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some bread rolls.

Do not mind, my recipe derives from one for sandwiches. So you make those sandwiches, then you discard the bread and mix salami and seaweeds with some margarine and voilà, you are done!

What do you think about the international situation?
It's hard to realized it when you spend your days among piles of dough cuddled by worshiping fans, but in this torn epoch there are countries where it is difficult to find even a so-so mint julep.

Do people yell your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Yeah! I'm the best thing since buttered bread. I'm universal: I elate wealthy Harward professors and colorless used cars dealers to the same extent. You know? There are at least 13 boulevards with my name in three different countries, not counting Molvanîa and Andorra, which I'm not sure are actually countries.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Barbra Streisand's home telephone number :
9440010112 2050051596 7674517114 3006993993 5958370336 997825874 9865742032 7481301931 7261221606 3555246448 986142462 5278795309 5679323550 6238002087 6100338605 8005267497 516163121 8483701145 360843551 3392926751
My little rendezvous with Barbra Streisand has been patiently arranged days beforehand. The resulting interview was staggering, like "The Brothers Karamazov" rewritten by Wolverine. Thus, it was very lamentable, to put it mildly, that my doctor devoured my only copy! After I un-fainted, I struggled to recollect those stunning words. To be frank, I'm not one hundred percent confident this web page contains a completely truly run-down of our talk, and so I'm starting to wonder if it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.