Ben, how do you invest the money you made in your career?
I invested my stash in a bullet-proof scheme devised by a financial genius named C. Penzi, a mastermind of hedge futures trading. I'll let you know his number, but I could not speak to him in the last few weeks.
Ben, what do you think about the current Oscar debate?
Surely, this has always been a minefield.
Ben, what do you think about president Trump?
I'm somehow preoccupied, since I heard through the grapevine that president Trump wants a laser beam to engrave his effigy on Mars surface.
What would you like to do right now?
Insult somebody's else shoes.
You are always in fine fettle. Which is your secret?
I have devised the Blue Diet: during the month of May I eat exclusively blue foods, like blueberries, blue potatoes, blue Smarties and my special Smurf meat pie.
I've heard you are writing a book on your life. Is it true?
Definitely! It is unfavorable that I have so little time to write. Last winter I've read the back cover of the book "Animal Farm", and I found it acceptable. So, I've asked my agent to call the author - a certain George Orwell - because I truly need a ghost writer, but for the moment I've not heard any answer.
Which is your favorite snack?
Pickles with applesauce, a fruit pie, two garlic bread slices, and a tumbler of fruit smoothie.
Do you ever Google yourself?
Say every four hours. But lately Google asks "Did you mean Ben Faster", who supposedly is a retired detective from Milwaukee. That's quite dispiriting, but not as much worrisome as finding that for Yahoo my name is similar to a shocking vulgarity in Klingonese.
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