We are here tonight with Ben Stiller, who just survived the mammoth task of his last movie. Hi, Ben, and welcome to Useless Celebrities.
It's a pleasure being here, because I can't remember if you owe me money.
Ben, you are always fit as a fiddle. How do you do that?
I have devised the Blue Diet: during the month of January I eat exclusively blue foods, like blueberries, blue Smarties, blue crabs and naturally deceased blue jays.
Ben, do you have something to say to your youngest fans?
Totally! Don't let the color of your skin be an excuse for failure. But buy a sunscreen or you'll get burned anyhow.
Does your assistant use a pseudonym when he makes reservation for a hotel suite? You know, to protect your privacy and to duck aficionados and shutterbugs
Indeed yes! We'll do whatever is necessary to steer clear of those nuisances. I generally use the alias "Ben Staller".
If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
You know that that's not a real person, right?
It's not!? How could you say that to me so cold-bloodedly!?
What motivates you to act?
Lack of air, since acting is like breathing for me.
You appear to be always so effervescent and chirpy. Do you also have a dark side?
It's hard to admit it, but I do. Each and every one has two sides. For example, when I face another actor, I shudder with aversion and my vision fades out. And suddenly, I fight a compulsion to wipe out his jeering smirk. That is my bright side... I let you figure out how dark my dark side is.
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