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A conversation with Bette Midler
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Bette Midler
Bette Midler born December 1st, 1945 (Sagittarius)
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After her fans insistence, Bette Midler will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night a month. The profits ($1,200/night) will be donated to an organization for the cure of asthma in koalas (source)

You appear to be always so cheerful and chirpy. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I think that everybody has a dark side. Sometimes, when I look at another singer, my teeth chatter with fury and my vision dims. And all of a sudden, I sense the need to close those lecherous eyes for good. That is my bright side... I let you discover, if you want, how my dark side is.

Can you tell me the square root of 339576624?
No, numbers with so many digits could only be telephone numbers, not real numbers.

On a scale of one to ten, how popular do you think you are?
I don't know. I think I'm a three in Indianapolis, but a six in Tibet.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
Probably a cow. A large, fat, peaceful cow, replete and sleepy in a summer breeze.

What is your opinion about global warming?
I've already made clear my opinion in a paper appeared on Croatian Annals of Theological Criticism, written in collaboration with dr. Ryan V. Flores.

Where do you go when you die?
Underground, usually, but if you are cremated then your remains can lie in some dull place.

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft or Professor Layton?
A restraining order disallows me from talking about it.

Do you use a pseudonym when you make reservation for a hotel suite? You know, to protect your privacy and to steer clear of journalists and stalkers
Sure! We'll go to any length to escape those troublemakers. I usually use the alias "Bette Modler".

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Bette Midler's secret telephone number :
8445646398 9577063151 4799150973 3013648413 5228998421 478988217 667619851 2417841730 6839660357 3633109619 5808261631 7931892389 9762719533 904332081 8816850942 5569407296 6793042787 735248451 6887152236 9832381280
To be sincere, my boss had planned my short appointment with Bette Midler weeks beforehand. Unluckily, my pet bobcat got tennis elbow, so I had to skip the meeting. So, the transcript above is essentially based on what Bette Midler would have probably said if I have met her, as indicated by a telephonic poll involving a couple of her fans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.