We are here tonight with a special guest, Beverley Knight, who just saw the birth of her last album. Hi, Beverley, and welcome to Stuff Your Brain Doesn't Need.
Good evening to you, and thank you for calling me.
In your opinion, which is the most beautiful flag?
I always liked Pokolistan flag, probably because it has my picture in the middle. Pokolistan is a nice but desperate nation. They are so derelict their national hymn is a Vanilla Ice song sung backward.
Beverley, you are always fit. How do you do that?
I have devised the Blue Diet: in July I eat exclusively blue foods, like blueberries, blue potatoes, blue corn and naturally deceased blue jays.
Do people scream your name and ask for autographs everywhere you go?
Great Scott! I'm like a drug, a Godsent one, for most of the people. I'm global: I cheer eminent neurosurgeons and undistinguished second-rate strippers in the same fashion. It's nice to know that there are 16 parks with my name in two different countries, not counting Kyrgyzstan and Brobdingnag.
What do you think about the international situation?
I think it is unfortunately very grim, since there are regions where it is difficult to find even an adequate frankfurter.
What happen if you play your song "Shoulda Woulda Coulda" backward?
The galaxy may deflagrate.
What's the strangest nightmare you remember?
Not actually a dream: I was in a barren gloomy place. A rotten stench pervading the air. Then I remembered I got hammered at a screening of "Freddy Got Fingered" in a shabby drive-in near Dallas.
Beverley, where did you go on your last vacation?
Recently I leased a posh palace in a secretive valley of Botswana. The payment included a moat around the palace to preserve my privacy but also a flock of local extras portraying frenzied admirers to let me feel loved.
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