I'm here tonight with Bill Nighy, who just made his way through his last movie. Hi, Bill, and welcome to Celebrities Are Better Than You.
I say it was about time you folks invited me. I saw Cher the other night and, to be honest, I did not like it a bit.
Which is your favorite karaoke song?
My true love is dodecaphony.
What’s in your pocket right now?
A tricky question. Since this interview is a product of your lascivious imagination, I'm probably completely au naturel, so no pockets at all.
Can you tell us what is the first award you ever won?
At the age of 9, I won the "Bronze Hamster Award" assigned by the city of Dallas for "impressive and unrequested acting performance".
Could you tell us something about your ongoing project?
Yep. I'm in the middle of filming the sequel of "Heart Condition", a little masterpiece whose value has not been perceived.
Could you suggest a remedy for haemorrhoids?
Absolutely! Here it is my fantastic remedy for haemorrhoids. Mix one part of champagne, two parts of coffee and some tomato sauce. Apply the resulting brew on your legs and your wrists.
Which is your earliest memory?
Only few people know that I have the blessing of total recall. Indeed, I have a clear memory of the moment I saw the light. You know, it was a night in December. An almost magic autumn night, lightning at the horizon and a hint of electricity in a gust of wind. And I was there, covered from head to toe with blood and other bodily fluids, in a room full of people yelling like ghouls. The first, but not the best day of my life...
You make me feel lucky.
You are too soft. My entire life is like a dip in an ocean of tears.
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