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An interview with Bill Withers
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Bill Withers
Bill Withers born July 4th, 1938 (Cancer)
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Bill Withers has obtained an honorable mention in one of the past editions of the Beard and Moustache Championship (source)

What are you working about?
I'm collaborating to the music score for a sequel of "Speed 2", a masterpiece whose value has not been recognized by viewers.

Bill, do you have something to say to young people?
Yep! Scientific studies have proved that sniffing glue like a hare with a cold may have unpleasant effects, like loss of taste or death. But now you can stop being anxious! Buy "Bill's shield", now with Delolacca occulta tincture. Just $39.99 for 120 pills. (Note : Not actually a drug. It usually may cause otitis or induce paranoia. Cholesterol-free. One pill provides 100% RDA of ashes).

Should you give up singing, which career would you like to choose?
Probably that of geoduck farmer, since I already have some experience in that field.

Are you allergic to anything?
Yes, I have a little intolerance to ascorbic acid, liars and weasel tears.

Do you have a favorite flag?
I always liked Ivalice flag. If I'm not mistaken, it is violet and purple with a purple tiger in the middle. Ivalice is a beautiful but unlucky place. They are so poor their dictionaries stop at the letter "N".

Can you tell me the square root of 242527263?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to eradicate you.

Could you improvise a poem for us.
Yep! Here it is

Everthing you took away
You took away your love,
you took the emotions away from me.
A comb, a pen lost in a drawer
my only memories of you.
You took away all that I had,
all and everything you took away,
so how come your cousin is here to stay?

Do you know any good back pain cure?
Yes, here it is my fantastic quick fix for back pain. Mix three parts of vodka, two parts of mineral water and some Alfredo sauce inside a coconut, then apply the resulting concoction on your ankles and your knees.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Bill Withers' private telephone number :
4696775891 688411073 635556157 2703536226 4633273048 586969487 5697751369 3099969143 9271952315 717894019 4997219486 6039402178 539294683 716954169 979834363 4037078120 7718240896 9935879571 7294564273 6698981214
I waited for many weeks for an occasion to have a short appointment with Bill Withers. The resulting article was wonderful, like it was written by H.G. Wells under the effects of prescription drugs. Thus, it was awfully lamentable that my armadillo by accident (I hope!) shredded my only copy! After I dissimulated devastating emotions, I struggled to recall those impressive words. I want to be clear, I'm not really so sure this web page is a totally factual report of our conversation, and now I'm starting to ask myself if it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.