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A talk with Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly born November 24th, 1942 (Sagittarius)
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Billy Connolly is presently writing a guide to choosing dental floss, a monumental work soon to be released in daily instalments. (pixabay photo)

Billy, if I may ask, how do you invest the considerable fortune you make in your career?
I asked myself: "What people can not do without?" and the answer is soda! So I bought 2200000 bottles of soda which I amassed in my pool,.

My informants told me you are just back from a filming location in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be frank, I spent 2 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before realizing it was not the Best Western hotel. In the meantime, I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.

How is your relationship with movie directors?
I don't have problems with them, provided that they worship me like all other people.

If you didn't grow up to become known as the actor Billy Connolly, what do you think you would have done?
I would have enrolled at The University of Kansas, signed up for Quantitative Behaviorism 101, failed, and bailed out a year after that with a gambling addiction.

Billy, can you share with us a memory of your role in "Brave"?
Heck! The set was full of gnats. They were coming outta the goddamn walls!.

When you were a little boy, did you see yourself as a professional actor?
I hardly think so! My father and I decided that I would have become a librarian. But, you know, that's life.

Billy, what are your feelings about the current USA president?
I imagined this was a playful discussion, not a gloomy one.

Can you tell me the square root of 850704635?
According to my fans the answer is something around 84.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Billy Connolly's secret telephone number :
3049000181 3259029077 2690039640 6718703377 6570782510 6442236912 4645121948 2816815397 7676616204 5560541587 6410020170 752554568 3699186899 8576785704 8086036248 5556059710 634879193 9170646249 4067366314 2186229123
To be honest, my chief had patiently arranged my brief conversation with Billy Connolly several months beforehand. Unfortunately, I got stoned watching the DVD of "Body of Evidence". So, the interview above is mainly the recollection of a nightmare that followed after a dinner of beans and raw broccoli.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.