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A conversation with Billy Ocean
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Billy Ocean
Billy Ocean born January 21st, 1950 (Aquarius)
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Because of an innocuous curious accident with his blimp, Billy Ocean has lived for 4 months in the Kinabalu rainforest. He was alone, except for his dog Bambadoo and his strong will (source)

Billy, should you give up singing, which kind of career would you choose?
Probably that of football mascot, since I already have some experience in that field.

Which is your favorite snack?
Fruit pies with cocktail sauce, an apple, two frozen pizzas, and a tumbler of scotch.

Nowaday the problem of malaria in panthers is attaining huge proportions. Are you doing something to mitigate the problem?
Guess so! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a devotee one night a week. The proceeds ($900 per night) will be granted to a foundation for the cure of malaria in panthers.

Billy, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Billy's miracle". During one of my expeditions in the Atacama desert, I discovered an unremarkable tree unknown to botanists, now named Rhizotheca odorata, which every 10 years blooms and gives fruits whose flavor reminds of watermelons and tar. You have to be very rich even to find it unpleasant...

Your agent told me you are just back from a tour in Tibet. How was the accomodation?
Actually, I spent 4 full weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I saw daylight and realized it was not the Best Western hotel. On the bright side, I learnt to move little objects with my mind.

When your are not on tour, which is your main hobby?
I think that collecting dummies is a noble activity.

Do you do your own shopping?
Not a chance! I have a group of shopping gurus to elaborate my grocery list and e-mail it to a crew of pro buyers around the world. For the clothes, always a critical issue, I ever hire a bunch of doubles, one for each body part.

If there was another movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It should be Sam Claflin, because we were in the same hockey team when our partners were away.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Billy Ocean's private telephone number :
928984917 4922497756 8403243239 3769546777 5148296383 2704471601 5650688360 2120233321 7679134473 5433895139 3434522096 4106793245 814143714 2082201599 948591567 6597721446 3967562943 939607777 5693014514 7042289281
I patiently sat tight for many weeks for a chance to have a hurried meeting with Billy Ocean. The resulting article was magnificent, like "Lord of the Flies" rewritten by Wolverine. Thus, it was very unlucky, to put it mildly, that my ferret (on purpose!) devoured my only copy! After I sobered out, I attempted to extract from my failing neurons those great words. Actually, to be straight here: I'm not really confident this web page contains a completely genuine chronicle of what transpired during our exchange, and so I'm beginning to question whether it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.