An interview with Bruno Mars
Bruno Mars
Bruno Mars born October 8th, 1985 (Libra)
A neighbor, an estranged relative or a stranger? Well, we have no idea, but we sanitized the photo nonetheless! (pixabay photo)

Could you suggest a remedy for warts?
Certainly! In case of warts, mix three parts of cider, two parts of mineral water and some applesauce in the skull of a coyote, then drink the resulting elixir every 25 minutes for 2 hours.

Which is your next musical venture?
I'll soon release an experimental album of glam metal covers of Michael Jackson greatest hits, sung in Maori, Bulgarian and Danish. It is so personal and jet of planetary significance.

Bruno, do you have something to say to young people?
I guess! Don't let the color of your skin rule your world. Unless you are green. In that case run to ER at your earliest convenience.

Do you do your own shopping?
Nay! I employ a number of shopping gurus to compile my grocery list and texting it to a gang of professional buyers distributed around the planet. For the clothes, I ever have a squad of surrogates, one for each body part.

What motivates you to sing?
The fact that, as Nero Wolfe said, "An actor can practice anywhere any time with anybody, and most of them do." For singers is almost the same.

I've heard you are about to publish a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The details on my forthcoming book will soon be published in the book itself. What I can divulge here is that it will be my unofficial autobiography. It will be tattoed on foreheads and backs of 900 fans that will be set loose in Dayton as in a flash mob.

Are you allergic to anything?
Yes, mainly to opossums, formaldehyde and paparazzi.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
According to my agent, Benedict Cumberbatch, since we were in the same hockey team when we had more time on our hands.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Bruno Mars' private telephone number :
6948625501 999849011 244197823 5285518648 5675126776 3790218356 797431298 2432809809 4455759740 8495912009 3092709151 4685542784 640481092 2919895077 2372433144 528849993 5833868029 4502376490 6816077190 914807256
Vips are very busy people. It's difficult for them to find the time for an interview. So we decided to leave Bruno Mars completely alone and to obtain the interview above without disturbing him. Therefore, this web page is an a cybernetic transcription we obtained thanks to a computer simulation of Bruno.
Other interviews worth checking:
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.