A talk with Calvin Harris
Calvin Harris
Calvin Harris born January 17th, 1984 (Capricorn)
Calvin Harris in a clever disguise meant to avoid obnoxious pursuers (pixabay photo)

I read that you will soon participate to a charity concert. Care to tell us why'd you decide to undertake such an effort?
I had to. Because of the astral conjunction, you know.

And since when did you feel an urge to fight sciatica?
Since I was a little boy, and my parents would argue about it.

What do you think about the international situation?
Piffle! I think it is unfortunately quite harsh, since there are regions where it is hopeless to find even an almost passable apple martini.

Calvin, you are always so strapping. How do you do that?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of August I eat just blue foods, like blueberries, blue Smarties, blue corn and my special Smurf stew.

Do you use a pseudonym when you arrange for a limo? You know, to protect your privacy and to ditch shutterbugs and stalkers
You bet! I'll do anything to steer clear of those nuisances. We usually adopt the pseudonym "Calvin Hyrris".

If you didn't grow up to become known as the singer Calvin Harris, what do you think you would have done?
I probably would have become a professional "Mario Kart DS" player.

If you’re at karaoke, what’s your song of choice?
My real love is Bach.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
Without doubt Macaulay Culkin, because I always liked him as Jack Sparrow.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Calvin Harris' home telephone number :
9179108046 978232142 5954766268 8666486357 2794955091 2268200872 3945615977 450857155 7358030738 9655758955 6157228356 7961839254 8392029442 4568390146 6890113235 958947689 7186423216 8241514996 2131420876 528602992
I patiently scheduled a rendezvous with Calvin Harris several months in advance. The resulting article was magnificent, like "Moby Dick" rewritten by Mandrake. Hence, it was highly untoward that another inmate set my only copy on fire! After I assessed the situation, I attempted to recollect those imposing words. I want to be clear here: I'm not really sure this web page contains an absolutely truthful chronicle of our meeting, and I'm beginning to wonder if it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.