A conversation with Candice Patton
Candice Patton
Candice Patton born June 24th, 1988 (Cancer)
Several people like to collect coins. Candice Patton likes to collect coins that have been eaten by accident. (pixabay photo)

Do you have any scar?
Yes, I do. I have a tiny pencil shaped scar on my left shin, a souvenir of my unpleasant clash with a deranged gazelle.

Which is your method for spotless skin?
It is a weekly ablution with hot unicorn blood.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To harden my soul, I frequently meditate on a cot made of rough sandpaper and thorns.

As everybody knows, the problem of myopia in ferrets is reaching huge proportions. Is Candice Patton doing anything in this respect?
Okey-doke! I will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a devotee one night a month. The profits ($800 per night) will be donated to a charity for the cure of myopia in ferrets.

Do you Google yourself often?
Say every day or so. But lately Google asks "Did you mean Candice Petton", who supposedly is an air transport professional from Los Angeles. That's quite annoying, but not as much heartbreaking as learning that according to Bing my name sounds like a revolting vulgarity in Turkish.

Could you tell us the plot of your next movie?
Maybe! It is the story of Amanda, a prison officer from Boston. She is kidnapped by a mysterious sect and she is coerced to write stupid "verY untrUe confabulaTions" for some web site, from a concealed underground lab. (If you can't find me, tell Matthew I never loved him...)

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Morticia Addams.

You know that that's not a real person, don't you?
I think I'm gonna cry now.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Candice Patton's secret telephone number :
8868409487 234543935 5396132614 6513752720 6590559339 8236255232 4141973579 5309289371 959023552 2121299776 2879935650 671363052 7463936046 8333742399 844241774 650550788 7556246285 6098730367 8860787324 8648803959
I patiently sat on my bottom for many weeks before being able to have a talk with Candice Patton. The resulting article was excellent, like it was written by the spirit of Tennessee Williams under the effects of prescription stimulants. So, it was very disastrous that my dog set my only copy on fire! After I regained consciousness, I struggled to recapture those breathtaking words. I want to be straight here: I'm not one hundred percent certain this web page contains an entirely truly account of our rendezvous, and now I'm beginning to question whether it actually was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.