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An interview with Cary Elwes
Cary Elwes
Cary Elwes born October 26th, 1962 (Scorpio)
In the month of October Cary Elwes eats only blue foods, like blueberries, blue potatoes, blue corn and the so-called Smurf hash, whose details are an uncanny riddle we prefer to leave surrounded by its enigma (source)

I've heard you are writing a book on your life. Is it true?
Certainly! It is unfavorable that I have so little time, if any, to put down the words, as we writers like to say. Recently I've read the condensed recap of "The Hobbit", and I found it quite palatable. Therefore, I've instructed my agent to contact the author - a certain J.R.R. Tolkien - since I really need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not received any answer.

Your zodiac sign is Scorpio. Are you a typical Scorpio?
Never! I'm very cheerful, somehow slothful, yielding and impetuous. My relatives say that I'm also a bit inconsistent but that I think it is common in artist.

Cary, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Cary's marvel". In the middle of one of my wanderings in the Amazon basin, I uncovered a little shrub unknown to botanists, now named Anthondrilla arborescens, which every 5 years blooms and gives fruits whose flavor reminds of kiwis and wasabi. It seems strange, but it may become a compelling habit.

As everybody knows, the problem of amebiasis in baboons is attaining huge proportions. Is Cary Elwes doing anything in this respect?
That's right! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a fan one night every two weeks. The profits ($1,400/night) will be granted to an organization for the cure of amebiasis in baboons.

What's the strangest nightmare you’ve ever had?
I dreamed being reproached by a James I of England impersonator, while I kept repeating "I did not eat my cousin's panther".

Cary, what are your feelings about president Trump?
I was under the impression this was a funny meeting, not a graveyard for lunatics.

What motivates you to act?
I hear a voice that motivates me. Her name is Sarah. I'm sorry, but Sarah says you are a loser.

You appear to be always so full of life and vivacios. Do you also have a dark side?
It's hard to admit it, but I do. I really believe that every person has two sides. For example, when I meet a so-called artist, I shake with hatred and my sight dims. And all of a sudden, I feel a compulsion to shutter those leering eyes for good. That is my cheerful side... I let you imagine how dark my dark side is.

Cary Elwes refused to let me know his home telephone number, but here are a few random numbers you can dream about :
541737922 897691598 7831833950 5867982027 720599191 3920718409 646386412 8865950039 957156130 581380335 9492346363 8026231326 2677349365 835318632 4446082737 5635000796 2906245174 4880293205 2991748646 853096725
I patiently queued up for years before being able to have a hurried rendezvous with Cary Elwes. The resulting piece was magnificent, like it was written by Dr. Seuss at his peak. It was very deplorable, to put it mildly, that my mother in law by accident (I hope!) shredded my only copy! After I put together again my vowels and consonants, I attempted to summon up those mind-blowing words. To be aboveboard here: I'm not one hundred percent confident this web page is an entirely precise chronicle of our conversation, and now I'm starting to doubt it actually was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.