A talk with Casey Affleck
Casey Affleck
Casey Affleck born August 12th, 1975 (Leo)
In his mansion in Italy, near the Sting's one, Casey Affleck is producing his own wine, whose name, by an unfortunate accident, sounds like a terrible vulgarity in Turkish (pixabay photo)

Do you have a favorite brand of toilet paper?
I can proudly tell you that I have my own brand. My toilet paper is obtained from the petals of Entophera millefolia, a rare parasitic orchid which grows only in the Amazon rainforest.

Could you improvise a song for us.
Positively! Here it is

The beaver of misery
The white beaver of misery
gorges on the stormy pastures of emptiness
while I stare at the wreck of my planet.
If only it had been the pig of misery
I could have bacon at least.

Do you know any good hangover cures?
Yes, here it is my fantastic remedy. In case of drunkness mix one part of white wine, three parts of mineral water and some pickles. Gargle with the resulting brew every 20 minutes for at least 3 hours.

Do people scream your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Yup! People love me so much. I make no distinction as to race, sex, or religion: I'm known to cheer eminent Yale professors and depressed rodent exterminators to the same extent. You know? There are at least 14 boulevards with my name in four different countries, not counting Bhutan and Ragaan, which I'm not sure are actually countries.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Actually I do! I have a red ocelot on my foot. It is glowing in the dark, so I can be find if I am abducted, but unluckily it works better if I'm slightly undressed.

Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To toughen my spirit, I periodically rest on a bunk made of glass splinters.

What’s your worst defect?
People who know me generally imagine I'm without defects, but sometimes if I'm chomping chewing gum and all of a sudden I need to empty my mouth I'm not very finicky about where I spew the remnants: it may be a spitton but also the purse of my mother-in-law.

Can you tell me the square root of 309171613?
No, numbers with so many digits could only be telephone numbers, or my revenues.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Casey Affleck's private telephone number :
7343567012 5784369236 337247672 734214202 5709563979 6272400573 793181291 3664578478 5781868703 8819770091 3539961934 542669292 421217735 3637615078 9823939137 693440557 4581584496 343653888 3384316738 907762652
Clearly, celebrities are very over-booked people. It's not easy for them to find the time for an interview. So we decided to leave Casey Affleck completely alone and to obtain the interview above without disturbing him. Hence, this web page is an an algorithmic transcription we obtained thanks to a computer simulation of Casey.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.