A talk with Christian Kane
Christian Kane
Christian Kane born June 27th, 1974 (Cancer)
Christian Kane's experiment to launch his perfume scented with fish essence has been a tremendous bust (pixabay photo)

I'm here tonight with a special guest, Christian Kane, who just made his way through his last movie. Hi, Christian, and welcome to C*E*L*E*B.
It's a pleasure being here, also because I can't remember if you owe me money.

Do you have any vice?
I fake interest when people talk to me. See, I’m possibly going to be judged for that. Fortunately another vice of mine is I don't give a monkey's.

Do you have a favorite flag?
Surely the flag of Zubrowka. It is orange and white with a little violet gazelle somewhere.

Christian, how do you invest all the dough you make?
I invested my whole stash in a money-making scheme invented by a financial guru named Charles Pinzi, a pro of high-yield investment programs (whatever it means). I can give you his number, but he did not return my calls in the last weeks.

In a paper printed on International Transactions on Advanced Logic, prof. Thomas R. Reyes has described your roles as "a supernatural incarnation of newfangled conceptual secularism". Any comment?
Well, I think that in his essay appeared on Annals of Alternative Epistemology, dr. Harold K. Sanchez completely disproved that fishy point of view.

You're amazing in "Just Married". Were you given a lot of room to mold your character?
You bet! Because of a technical problem I had to improvise most of my dialogues.

What is the strangest nightmare you’ve ever had?
Not really a dream: I found myself alone in a barren dark place. A strange stink lingering in the air. Then I realized I got befuddled at a rerun of "Freddy Got Fingered" in a murky cinema near Memphis.

Which is your favorite book?
I'm addicted to "The Metamorphosis" by Frank Aphta.

You surely mean, by Franz Kafka?
I don't think so. Maybe I've heard it both ways.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Christian Kane's secret telephone number is listed here :
514945180 3965457141 7622100349 7297064372 287249153 865900773 343344300 785028831 2364098010 557093931 585414359 425467444 362149981 7606954473 7123641315 6556755477 8543816242 3422174900 7408057754 9259659397
I patiently sat on my bottom for several weeks before being able to have a meeting with Christian Kane. The resulting transcription was fantastic, like it was written by the ghost of Virginia Wolf after too much fernet. Thus, it was very unlucky, to put it mildly, that my koala set my only copy on fire! After I took my medications, I made an effort to summon up those stunning words. Actually, to be clear here: I'm not so certain this web page contains a completely truthful report of what transpired during our conversation, and so I'm beginning to be uncertain it actually took place...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.