A talk with Christian Serratos
Christian Serratos
Christian Serratos born September 21st, 1990 (Virgo)
Last week, Christian Serratos has sold her renowned gummy bears collection to an eccentric plutocrat for $168,000 (pixabay photo)

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft or Professor Layton?
The one that's not real.

Do people scream your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Touche'! I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I really make no distinction as to gender or occupation: I gladden illustrious Oscar award winners and hopeless public defenders in the same manner. Say, there are 15 avenues with my name in four different countries, not counting Andorra and Matobo, which I'm not sure are actually countries.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
It is a prairie dog. A large, fat, quiet prairie dog, well fed and heavy-eyed in the shade of a large tree.

Which is the coolest flag?
I think it is that of Rohan. It is violet and green with a small red raccoon in the center.

Christian, your zodiac sign is Virgo. May I read you your horoscope?
Do as you want, but I don't believe in zodiacal foolery.

You have collected a lot of bad feelings in you that can burst at any moment. You will overcome this only if you excuse or take revenge upon somebody who has wronged you in the past.
Holy mackarel! If I did believe in this zodiacal folly, now I would be a little crestfallen.

Christian, if I may ask, how do you invest all the dough you made acting?
I invested my stash in a money-making scheme invented by a financial guru named C. Panzi, a pro of high-yield investment programs. I can give you his number, but he has been incommunicado in the last month.

Could you improvise a song for us.
Yep! Here it is

Everthing you took away
You took away the respect,
you took the lust away from me.
A button, a scarf alone in a drawer
the only sings of you.
You took your love away from me,
all that counts you took away,
so how come your mother is here to stay?

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Christian Serratos' private telephone number :
6146566224 7972845336 7394606241 3800085793 7392968278 6940793146 9140135890 5330429289 5854731340 3383631884 4327904391 5005493379 4765634926 301317937 666684466 2741921361 2890746807 4172604897 986722376 9521426770
I waited forever for an occasion to have a short interview with Christian Serratos. The resulting article was impressive, like "One Hundred Years of Solitude" rewritten by Robin Hood. It was very regrettable, to put it mildly, that my ferret (probably on purpose!) ate my only copy! After I recovered from a mild intoxication, I attempted to extract from my failing memory those marvelous words. To be clear, I'm not so sure this web page contains a perfectly accurate report of our conversation, and now I'm starting to ask myself if it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.