If there was another movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It's a no-brainer: Johnny Depp, because I always liked him as Mary Poppins.
Where do you go when you die?
It depends. If you behaved, you go to Spain, if you have been insipid you go to Winnipeg.
Christoph, are you superstitious?
I'll do! I have to lick a doorknob two times right before a relevant interview.
Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
I can proudly tell you that I have my own brand. My personal hand-made toilet paper is obtained from Picrocyphea papillosa, a rare blue rose that only grows in Mongolia.
Could you suggest a remedy for diarrhea?
Sure, in case of diarrhea, mix one part of sparkling wine, three parts of fruit drink and some soy sauce in the skull of a prairie dog, then put the resulting mixture on your knees and your back.
Don't you think it is time you write a book on your life?
Yes! It is unfavorable that I have little time to put down the words, as we writers use to say. Last month I've read the inside flap of "Jane Eyre", and I found it quite palatable. Therefore, I've asked my agent to contact the author - a certain Charlotte Brontë - since I need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not heard any answer.
On a scale of one to ten, how popular are you?
I made a poll last winter. Probably, I'm a two in Iceland, but a nine in Denver.
Which is your secret for perfect skin?
Curiously, it is a bath in yak milk twice a week.
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