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A conversation with Christoph Waltz
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Christoph Waltz
Christoph Waltz born October 4th, 1956 (Libra)
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In his mysterious grotto Christoph Waltz is patiently looking for a way to rise ducks with 4 legs (pixabay photo)

If there was another movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It's a no-brainer: Johnny Depp, because I always liked him as Mary Poppins.

Where do you go when you die?
It depends. If you behaved, you go to Spain, if you have been insipid you go to Winnipeg.

Christoph, are you superstitious?
I'll do! I have to lick a doorknob two times right before a relevant interview.

Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
I can proudly tell you that I have my own brand. My personal hand-made toilet paper is obtained from Picrocyphea papillosa, a rare blue rose that only grows in Mongolia.

Could you suggest a remedy for diarrhea?
Sure, in case of diarrhea, mix one part of sparkling wine, three parts of fruit drink and some soy sauce in the skull of a prairie dog, then put the resulting mixture on your knees and your back.

Don't you think it is time you write a book on your life?
Yes! It is unfavorable that I have little time to put down the words, as we writers use to say. Last month I've read the inside flap of "Jane Eyre", and I found it quite palatable. Therefore, I've asked my agent to contact the author - a certain Charlotte Brontë - since I need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not heard any answer.

On a scale of one to ten, how popular are you?
I made a poll last winter. Probably, I'm a two in Iceland, but a nine in Denver.

Which is your secret for perfect skin?
Curiously, it is a bath in yak milk twice a week.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Christoph Waltz's private telephone number :
4137053861 9570292648 775956498 9842128630 9275962467 9759649364 4156775699 309398637 8246485508 8090678521 3730946106 5350201273 9739421828 3621806066 385121544 4578870544 5054068417 420407143 843025140 8463524311
My short talk with Christoph Waltz has been scheduled several weeks in advance. The resulting transcription was stunning, like "Grapes of Wrath" rewritten by Superman. Thus, it was very lamentable that my cousin Roger (on purpose!) devoured my only copy! After I took my medications, I tried to remember those stunning words. Actually, to be honest, I'm not really sure this web page is a totally accurate run-down of what transpired during our meeting, and I'm beginning to question whether it ever happened...
Other interviews worth checking:
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.