Do people scream your name and applaud everywhere you go?
Alakazam! The crowd loves me so much. My strength is that I'm all-embracing: I'm known to captivate illustrious Harward professors and colorless crime scene cleaners to the same extent. It's nice to hear that there are 15 boulevards with my name in four different countries, not counting Cyprus and Genovia.
If I may ask, do you have any peculiar phobia?
I suffer with an unreasonable phobia for dog shaped clouds, due to an uncanny accident occurred to my uncle. I'm also scared by clowns, but that is quite normal.
When your are not singing, which is your favorite hobby?
I think that collecting and trading old TV antennas rests my mind.
Can you refute the gossip about your participation in the crisis of Loch Ness monster DNA samples?
Fee-fi-fo-fum! Somebody may think you have an unfathomable desire to hop the twig, if you know what I mean. I have a friend who has a friend that for $3000,... Nevermind. You like surprises, don't ya?
Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a red koala on my arm. It implements a tracker, so I can be salvaged if I get lost in Chicago suburbia, but unluckily it works only if I'm somehow disrobed.
Which is your next musical venture?
Next week I'll release an experimental recording of rap covers of Frank Sinatra greatest hits, sung in Armenian, Javanese and Mongolian. I hope it will be the climax of my artistic life.
Chubby, which is your favorite fruit?
It is called "Chubby's marvel". In the middle of one of my famed studies in the Hymalayas, I uncovered a little plant unknown to botanists, now named Taxicyphipea scabiosa, which every 10 years blooms and gives fruits whose flavor reminds of strawberries and mustard. It may seem unappealing, but it may become a compulsive habit.
If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
I imagine a gerbil. A large, fat, peaceful gerbil, full and dozy in the summer shade.
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