A conversation with Chuck Berry
Chuck Berry
Chuck Berry born October 18th, 1926 (Libra)
Vimbaroo, the favorite pet lizard of Chuck Berry, could also double as a protein snack in case of zombie attack (pixabay photo)

What’s the best sound in the world?
It is the consoling swish of a roll of new banknotes kissing each other. But please, write instead something more mainstream, like "the first 'dad' of your kid" or "the comforting purr of an unworried kitten".

What happen if you play your song "Maybellene" backward?
There can be unpleasant aftereffects like loss of eyebrows or acne.

If I may say so, Chuck, you are well known for your bizarre demands when staying in hotels. Is it true? Could you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you usually ask?
Lately I've found that I can't survive without one of Kathryn Bigelow's unreleased movies or industrially-made pasta delivered every three hours to my room.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Probably Hermione Granger.

You know that that's not a real person, right?
It IS real, in a documentary.

You are just back from a tour in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be frank, I spent 3 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before realizing it was not the Best Western hotel. Funny thing: I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
Without doubt Tom Hardy. I always liked him as Yoda.

Do you like to cook?
I reckon not! But I like to devise salads. My most cherished one is a mix of pulled pork and lima beans, which I presume can be OK for both vegans and normal people.

Interesting! Would you like to share the recipe with us?
Sure! You take the pulled pork and the lima beans and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some French rolls.

French rolls?
Do not mind, I derived the recipe from one for a sandwich. So you make those sandwiches, then you dispose of the bread and mix pulled pork and lima beans with some soy sauce and you are done!

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Chuck Berry's home telephone number :
5222240848 8620971735 3201372338 4558628928 385720524 4502361117 3920400172 518405162 9136535120 5357502179 733065692 6684122790 7736210689 6736187447 3829541770 9608725687 9259137709 731783877 3952073167 318172641
My hurried meeting with Chuck Berry has been set up several months in advance. The resulting piece was marvelous, like "Great Expectations" rewritten by Tarzan. It was very unfortunate, to put it mildly, that my doctor shredded my only copy! After I took my medications, I attempted to summon up those fantastic words. So, to be honest here: I'm not really so confident this web page contains a totally genuine chronicle of our meeting, and so I'm starting to question whether it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.