An interview with Cliff Richard
Cliff Richard
Cliff Richard born October 14th, 1940 (Libra)
In his underground cavern Cliff Richard is boldly looking for a way to generate ducks with 4 legs (pixabay photo)

We are here tonight with Cliff Richard, who just saw the birth of his last album. Hi, Cliff, and welcome to Of Mice and Man and Celebrities.
It's a pleasure being here, your pleasure.

Which is your forthcoming musical adventure?
I'll soon release a vinyl-only recording of country covers of Bob Marley greatest hits, sung in Bengali, Hindi and Finnish. I believe it will be the apogee of my career.

In a letter published on Texan Transactions on Pragmatic Herpetology, prof. Jason A. Allen has described your songs as "a perfect paradigm of modernistic conceptual constructivism". Any comment?
Well, it is evident that in his recent essay printed on American Anthropological Studies, dr. Gregory O. Martin totally rebuked that preposterous assumption.

Cliff, do you have something to say to young people?
Sure! Don't let the color of your skin be the marker for being out of place. Unless you are green. In that case run to the hospital at your earliest convenience.

Cliff, is there a deep moral hidden in your "Living Doll"?
Indeed! That people are going to do what they want.

Does your assistant use a pseudonym when he arranges for a flight? You know, to protect your privacy and to excape devotees and stalkers
That's for certain! We go to any length to avoid those barbarians. I mostly adopt the alias "Cliff Rychard".

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a brown armadillo on my forearm. It contains a radiotransmitter, so I can be find if I get lost in Fresno suburbia, but unfortunately it works better if I'm somehow undressed.

Your zodiac sign is Libra. May I read you your horoscope?
Please proceed, my friends say I'm a sucker for zodiacal tomfoolery.

You have gathered a great deal of negativity in you that can explode without notice. You will overcome this only if you forgive or take revenge upon somebody who has injured you in the past.
I say! If I did believe in this zodiacal shenanigans, now I would be crying a little.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Cliff Richard's secret telephone number :
3223670753 8609929949 9565774602 6753430844 8487121761 821266727 9144265177 2914909989 2040717313 6597083630 3067485261 825049155 6737064819 5297634979 8032605403 4647130902 331804185 7558158239 306268325 8317093781
To be frank, my chief had arranged my brief rendezvous with Cliff Richard many weeks beforehand. Unluckily, I decided I had better things to do, like visiting Canada or learning Polish. So, the transcript above is mainly the elaboration of a nightmare that ensued after a large dinner of raw broccoli and liver pâté.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.