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A talk with Colton Haynes
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Colton Haynes
Colton Haynes born July 13th, 1988 (Cancer)
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In his will, Colton Haynes has stipulated that his ashes should be scattered on the planet Saturn, possibly by hand. (source)

You have been the recipient of many awards. What is the first award you ever won?
I won the "Chocolate Anteater Award" assigned by the municipality of Denver for "outstanding and unrequested stage performance" at the age of 8.

Where do you go when you die?
30 feet under, generally. If you are burned then your remains can rest in some boring place.

What's your favorite vice?
I do too much for people that don't merit any of it. Well, I expect that you are going to criticize me for that. Fortunately another vice of mine is I don't give a damn.

Which is your favorite book?
I'm wild about "Jane Eyre" by Charlot.

You surely mean, by Charlotte Brontë?
I'm not used to be lambasted by irrelevant people, and in any case I think I've heard it both ways.

Could you deny the hearsay about the purloined Loch Ness monster photos?
Truth is vulnerable and so are you and your bones...

Have you made resolutions for the New Year?
My plan is to obtain soon a license for steering my hovercraft.

Do you do your own shopping?
Not hardly! Actually, I employ a bunch of Princeton graduates to compile my grocery list and e-mail it to a group of professional buyers scattered around the world. For the garnments, I ever have a squad of surrogates, one for each body part.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Colton Haynes' private telephone number :
3869593187 3506851232 311927330 8013315873 6732164901 8208997744 614141717 2551263397 9842886578 9191367291 2830699255 2351237050 6480847514 6655536308 4614568087 3424802010 6739327457 5218638901 2395917115 2117750425
Clearly, celebrities are very frantic people. It's difficult for them to fix a meeting for an interview. So we decided to leave Colton Haynes totally alone and to obtain the interview above without his help. Thus, this web page is an a cybernetic transcription we obtained thanks to a program we fed with all the available info about Colton.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.