An interview with Dakota Johnson
Dakota Johnson
Dakota Johnson born October 4th, 1989 (Libra)
And now, to soothe your soul, look at a cute photo of a sweet squirrel (pixabay photo)

I'm here today with Dakota Johnson, who just survived the mammoth task of her last movie. Hi, Dakota, and welcome to Psychedelic Inteviews.
I say it was about time you people invited me. I saw Miley Cyrus the other day and, let me tell you, I did not like it.

Are you superstitious?
May so! I have to avoid any food whose name contains the letter "P" right before a significant meeting. Obviously not this one.

Dakota, can you share with us a memory of your role in "21 Jump Street"?
Sodding hell! All the leading actors were gnawing salami flavored chewinggums all the time.

Do you have a favorite brand of toilet paper?
I really can't use industrial brands anymore. My personal hand-made toilet paper is obtained from the leaves of Trochosparia molesta, a rare parasitic orchid which grows only in the Amazon rainforest.

Did you ever participated in a séance?
But of course! But just once. It was an excruciating experience. At a certain point, the ghost of Ludwig van Beethoven appeared and revealed that I'm the reincarnation of a neighbor of Leibniz.

I heard that you will soon participate to a charity football match. Care to tell us why'd you decide to undertake such a titanic effort?
I had to. Because of the astral conjunction, you know.

And how long have you been feeling an urge to fight anosmia?
WHAT? Anosmia!? Is that what's it all been about? I have to call my agent.

Which is the most embarrassing DVD (or blu-ray) in your collection?
Sod a dog! Apart from "Twilight", I fear it is "Max Payne" or "Larger than Life".

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Dakota Johnson's private telephone number :
853197469 773183645 3612407358 353107926 2196547756 4596217662 2763321380 5915313625 959707738 7925446573 3702479055 5944992509 4484717797 474136437 804438908 9307897421 4048731876 5838383689 2110763671 8977599229
To be frank, my director had patiently scheduled my short exchange with Dakota Johnson several days beforehand. Unluckily, my pet gerbil got hypermetropia, so I had to skip the conversation. So, the interview above is mainly based on what Dakota Johnson would have probably said if I have met her, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Michael Kenneth Williams Linda Ronstadt Vera Lynn Sam Claflin Jeremy Sumpter Bill Nighy Faith Evans Adrianne Palicki KT Tunstall Sam Riley Summer Glau Jon Hamm Eric Bana Helen Shapiro Neneh Cherry Michael Keaton Arnold Schwarzenegger Amanda Bynes Sam Neill
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.