An interview with Dannii Minogue
Dannii Minogue
Dannii Minogue born October 20th, 1971 (Libra)
The amused air of fans who have met Dannii Minogue (pixabay photo)

Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
Imho, common brands are for common people. My hand-made toilet paper is obtained from the fibers of Siphocarpa spinosa, an almost extinct shrub native of Borduria.

Dannii, where will you go on your next vacation?
For my next vacation I leased a posh manor on the secretive hills of Aerugo. The only complication was finding a way to make a payment in bitcoins to the affable estate agent from Nigeria that contacted me about deal in the interweb.

I've heard you are about to publish a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The details on my imminent book will soon be published in the book itself. What I can divulge now is that it will be my unauthorized autobiography, a monumental work soon to be released in daily instalments.

Could you tell us which is your earliest memory?
Only few people know that I have the power of total recall. Indeed, I remember pretty well the moment I saw the light. It was a day in October. An almost poetic autumn day, faraway thunders and a promise of electricity in a gust of wind. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, covered from head to toe with blood, in a room full of screaming people, running around like crashtest dummies. The first, but not the best day of my life...

You make me feel lucky.
You are too soft. My entire existence is like an immersion in a lake of gasoline. And I appreciate every moment of it.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my character tougher, I frequently rest on a hammock made of barbed wire liberally dusted with vinegar.

Should you give up singing, which occupation would you choose?
Almost surely that of lightning rod installer. I already have some experience in that field.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Surely Ace Ventura.

I don't want to offend you, but you know that that's not a real person, don't you?
I think I'm gonna cry now.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Dannii Minogue's secret telephone number :
9035972406 241778954 7421412392 5917702651 4313858656 4939970363 8030215789 5991553632 9245160263 4740792712 576044658 7543986239 7217744764 5184306063 8314210482 789875862 858830610 8635659576 5592770434 6682682232
I patiently sat on my bottom for several weeks for an occasion to have a little conversation with Dannii Minogue. The resulting piece was mind-boggling, like "Three Men in a Boat" rewritten by Hellboy. Hence, it was awfully unfavorable that my armadillo (on purpose!) devoured my only copy! After I regained my composure, I tried to recall those stunning words. So, to be straight, I'm not so certain this web page contains an absolutely factual account of our meeting, and I'm beginning to doubt it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.