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A talk with Dolly Parton
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Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton born January 19th, 1946 (Capricorn)
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Surprisingly, Dolly Parton's trick to obtain perfect skin is a weekly soaking into lukewarm unicorn tears (source)

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
It is a koala. A big, fat, placid koala, well fed and dozy in the shade of a large tree.

Could you improvise a poem for us.
Certainly! Here it is

The coyote of grief
The eerie coyote of grief
succumbs on the cloudy mountains of lonelyness
as I look in the eye this planet mourning.
If only it had been the pork of grief
we could have bacon at least.

One of your most famous works, "Jolene", is an anthem of protest. Does it also have a more deep meaning?
Yes, it really is about my unconfessed passion for applesauce.

In your opinion, which is the most beautiful flag?
I think it is that of Santa Prisca, probably because there is my face in the corner of it. Santa Prisca is a proud but unfortunate nation. They are so broke their currency is printed on Post-it notes.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It's a no-brainer: Emma Stone. We both like Jessica Rabbit.

What are you working about?
I'm collaborating to the music score for a remake of "The Adventures of Pluto Nash", a little classic whose value has not been fully acknowledged.

Do you have any superpower?
Talking backwards, since I was 5, but only if the sun shines.

Dolly, are you superstitious?
Sure enough! I swear in Klingonese right before an important encounter. Obviously not this one.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Dolly Parton's private telephone number :
5340687713 453133496 2956390304 7206116719 5446838277 5980710974 4065455078 831236392 2825795535 3113726090 385242670 8963317950 931220789 5453514710 6254944967 8684929073 449227033 3041440835 6735633470 6772513467
My boss had lined up my appointment with Dolly Parton many days beforehand. Unluckily, I realized I had more interesting things to do, like learning Chinese or visiting Canada. So, this web page is essentially based on what Dolly Parton would have probably said if I have met her, as indicated by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.