An interview with Donald Sutherland
Donald Sutherland
Donald Sutherland born July 17th, 1935 (Cancer)
The usual appearance of his devotees (pixabay photo)

When your are not acting, which is your favored diversion?
I think that collecting garden gnomes rests my mind. I prefer to paint them in green and blue.

Are you aware of the rumors about you and the ottoman appearing in your last movie?
Snap! How did you find out!? I plead not guilty.

Do you do your own shopping?
I would like to, but I'm too hard at work performing paramount things for all the people to waste time on such trifles. Actually, I pay a group of MIT graduates to compile my grocery list and pass it along to a bunch of professional buyers around the globe. For the garbs, I ever hire a team of stand-in, each sharing with me the measure of one body part.

Do you Google yourself often?
Not so often anymore. Say every two hours. But lately Google often says "Including results for Donald Sotherland", who supposedly is a conservator from Denver. That's quite saddening, but not as much embarassing as discovering that according to Bing my name is similar to a terrible curse in Turkish.

Donald, you are always so strapping. Which is your secret?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of September I eat just blue foods, like blueberries, blue potatoes, blue corn and my special Smurf hash.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Probably Bilbo Baggins.

You know that that's not a real person, right?
It's not!? How could you say that to me so empty-heartedly!?

What's the most uncanny nightmare you remember?
Not actually a dream: I found myself alone in an empty dark space. A fetid odour pervading the air. Then I remembered I got plastered at a screening of "Tiptoes" in a drab movie house near Memphis.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Donald Sutherland's secret telephone number :
9801578104 6816885238 9773994701 7335618712 8025385849 4499887942 6609374892 7414085507 2631414166 5381589638 2446588576 7090883830 4410865818 2762808437 5327858964 954116023 505988041 9040182084 883916198 4504041151
I patiently lay in wait forever for the privilege to have a hurried talk with Donald Sutherland. The resulting article was excellent, like it was written by Agatha Christie at her peak. So, it was highly damaging, to put it mildly, that my uncle Timothy ate my only copy! After I slept over it, I tried to extract from my vanishing memory those staggering words. To be aboveboard here: I'm not really so certain this web page is a perfectly truthful chronicle of our conversation, and I'm beginning to be uncertain it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.