We are here tonight with Donald Trump, who just made his way through his last political endeavour. Hi, Donald, and welcome to Celebrity Hammocks.
I say it was about time you folks invited me. I saw Dylan O'Brien the other night and, let me tell you, I did not like it.
If you didn't grow up to become known as the president Donald Trump, what do you think you would have done?
I would have enrolled at Caltech, signed up for Practical Semiotics 101, failed, and bailed out a year after that with an online massively multiplayer videogames addiction.
Donald, do you have something to say to young people?
Absolutely! Clinical studies have proved that smoking self-growed tobacco may have unpleasant long-term effects, like loss of eardrums or sudden death. But quaver no more! Buy "Donald's miracle", now with Hexavardia urens tincture. Just $39.99 for 80 capsules. (Disclaimer : Not actually a cure. It
usually may cause colitis or induce paranoia. Sodium-free. A capsule provides 100% RDA of feathers).
Do you know Arthur Thompson (a former psychotherapist, now a biomedical engineer) from Saint Paul?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been briefly married to him. Then there was a public embarrassment about some kinky photographs sent by phone to the wrong people, so their marriage came to an abrupt finale.
What is your position about the rumor that a growing fraction of refugees are violent adepts of Pastafarianism?
Normally I've the biggest non-committal appreciation for all devotees of Pastafarianism, but we have to shield ourselves from these anarchist thugs and I promise to erase their country as soon as CIA locates it.
Do people yell your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Definitely! The crowd loves me so much. I really make no distinction: I'm known to move notable NASA scientists and homely accountants in the same manner. You know? There are at least 15 avenues with my name in two different countries, not counting Luxembourg and Krakozhia, which I did not know they were countries.
You must admit that your first executive orders have been strongly criticized. Do you have other tricks up your sleeve?
When the moment will be ripe, I promise I will create a Presidential something to triumph over male baldness. I remember that Attila the Hun once said, "The United States has to move very fast to even stand still".
Donald, what's your favorite vice?
My vice is telling the truth when it no longer seems a virtue. Well, I’m surely going to be censured for that. Luckily another vice of mine is I couldn't care less.
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