Donald, your zodiac sign is Gemini. May I read you your horoscope?
As you want, but I'm a bit partial regarding zodiacal chicanery.
You have accumulated a great deal of jaundice in you that can explode without notice. You will get rid of this state only if you forgive or kill somebody who has angered you in the past.
Oh dear! If I did believe in this zodiacal malarky, now I would be a little broken-hearted.
Where did you go on your last vacation?
Last summer I leased an exclusive castle in a hidden valley of Botswana. The contract included a moat around the castle to protect my privacy but also a group of local extras impersonating paparazzi.
If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
In my dreams it is a gnu. A big, fat, serene gnu, well fed and dozy in the shade of a large tree.
Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a purple baboon on my back. It is glowing in the dark, so I can be retrieved if I get lost in a storm of snow, but unluckily it works only if I'm slightly au naturel.
Which is your trick to achieve perfect skin?
Only few know it is a weekly shower in tomato sauce.
I've heard you are writing an autobiography. Is it true?
Yes! It is untoward that I have so little time to put down the words, as we authors use to say. Recently I've read the back cover of "The Picture of Dorian Gray", and I found it passable. So, I've ordered my assistant to pay a visit to the author - a certain Oscar Wilde - because I need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not received any news.
Donald, what can you tell us about your plans for education?
The ball is in the competent hands of Elisabeth DeVos. I think she is totally fitted for the position since I heard that she is loved by all the teachers who want to continue teaching. However I have a few plans. For example, all the schools must be provided with a bazooka, since we must be prepared in case of a visit from a drug cartel or an Ebola epidemic.
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