An interview with Donald Trump
Donald Trump
Donald Trump born June 14th, 1946 (Gemini)
In his secluded grotto Donald Trump is daringly trying to create ducks with 4 legs (pixabay photo)

What do you have in your pockets?
A tricky question. Since this talk is a fabrication of your indecent imagination, I'm totally au naturel, so no pockets at all.

You have been the recipient of several prizes. Can you tell us what is the first award you ever won?
I won the "Titanium Anteater Cup" issued by the municipality of Tucson for "impressive and redundant bossing around accomplishment" at the age of 8.

You seem to be always so effervescent and lively. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I really believe that everyone has a dark side. For example, when I face a so-called businessman, my heart became heavier and my teeth chatter with fury. And suddenly, I fight the urge to obliterate his jeering smug look. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to know that side.

Could you tell us what's your earliest memory?
Only few people know that I have the blessing of total recall. Indeed, I have a clear memory of the moment I was born. You know, it was a day in June. An almost poetic spring day, smelling of flowers and wet moss. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, soaked from head to toe with blood and other bodily fluids, in a room full of yelling people. The first, but not the best day of my life...

Anything happier?
Who gives a rat? My life is like a stroll into endless despair. And I appreciate every moment of it.

What’s the best sound in the world?
Surely it is the placid crackle of a bunch of new banknotes caressing each other. But please, write instead something more crowd-pleasing, like "the joyous giggle of an exhilarated child " or "the soothing purr of a satisfied kitten".

President Trump, what can you tell us about your plans for education?
You should ask to the capable hands of Betsy DeVos. I think she is totally fitted for the position since she once went to a public school looking for a bathroom. Nevertheless I have a few plans for her. In particular, all the schools must be furnished with guns, because we cannot exclude the chances of marauders from San Sombrèro or a zombie apocalypse.

A well-known person you recognize as an imaginary friend?
Probably Mary Poppins, because of our similar manner of living. We both breed cute foxs.

There is no possibility any of these is Donald Trump's secret telephone number :
2808805453 7957067665 5314110247 3171682776 4109465052 2984944757 822638963 5294111611 7068674443 8463146876 987969763 7194668595 9327470631 6004611182 5619803595 8823048793 2255348572 4485040172 7850939884 5988397357
My brief conversation with Donald Trump has been arranged weeks beforehand. The resulting article was wonderful, like "Catch-22" rewritten by Daredevil. Thus, it was lamentable that my ferret (on purpose!) devoured my only copy! After I put myself together, I made an attempt to recapture those awesome words. I want to be clear here: I'm not really sure this web page is an entirely accurate run-down of what transpired during our conversation, and thus I'm starting to question whether it ever took place...
Other interviews worth checking:
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.