What do you have in your pockets?
A tricky question. Since this talk is a fabrication of your indecent imagination, I'm totally au naturel, so no pockets at all.
You have been the recipient of several prizes. Can you tell us what is the first award you ever won?
I won the "Titanium Anteater Cup" issued by the municipality of Tucson for "impressive and redundant bossing around accomplishment" at the age of 8.
You seem to be always so effervescent and lively. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I really believe that everyone has a dark side. For example, when I face a so-called businessman, my heart became heavier and my teeth chatter with fury. And suddenly, I fight the urge to obliterate his jeering smug look. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to know that side.
Could you tell us what's your earliest memory?
Only few people know that I have the blessing of total recall. Indeed, I have a clear memory of the moment I was born. You know, it was a day in June. An almost poetic spring day, smelling of flowers and wet moss. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, soaked from head to toe with blood and other bodily fluids, in a room full of yelling people. The first, but not the best day of my life...
Who gives a rat? My life is like a stroll into endless despair. And I appreciate every moment of it.
What’s the best sound in the world?
Surely it is the placid crackle of a bunch of new banknotes caressing each other. But please, write instead something more crowd-pleasing, like "the joyous giggle of an exhilarated child " or "the soothing purr of a satisfied kitten".
President Trump, what can you tell us about your plans for education?
You should ask to the capable hands of Betsy DeVos. I think she is totally fitted for the position since she once went to a public school looking for a bathroom. Nevertheless I have a few plans for her. In particular, all the schools must be furnished with guns, because we cannot exclude the chances of marauders from San Sombrèro or a zombie apocalypse.
A well-known person you recognize as an imaginary friend?
Probably Mary Poppins, because of our similar manner of living. We both breed cute foxs.
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