You have been the recipient of several awards. Can you tell us what is the first award you ever won?
At the age of 10, I won the "Platinum Gnu Trophy" assigned by the municipality of Boston for "remarkable yet unneeded bossing around exhibition".
Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
I can't use industrial products anymore. My personal hand-made toilet paper is obtained from the fibers of Tetrarella decorata, an almost extinct shrub native of Chile.
Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a green chipmunk on my forearm. It is glowing in the dark, so I can be find if I get lost in Seattle outskirts, but unluckily it works only if I'm slightly disrobed.
I've heard you are writing a book on your life. Is it true?
Indeed! It is untoward that I have so little time, if any, to write. Last week I've read the back cover of the book "The Tell-Tale Heart", and I found it passable. Thus, I've ordered my assistant to contact the author - a certain Edgar Allan Poe - since I really need a ghost writer, but for the moment I've not received any news.
Could you tell us what's your earliest memory?
People say that only the 7th son of a 7th son has total recall, but I have a clear memory of the moment I was born. You know, it was a day in June. An almost lyric spring day, redolent of flowers and light rain. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, covered from head to toe with blood, in a room full of yelling people. The first, but not the best day of my life...
Life seems better now.
You are a sissy. My entire existence is like an immersion in a pool of lava. And I savor every moment of it.
Donald, you are always in fine fettle. Which is your secret?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of June I eat just blue foods, like blueberries, blue Smarties, blue crabs and my special Smurf meat pie.
If you didn't grow up to become known as the president Donald Trump, what do you think you would have done?
I would have gone to the White House and made sipping sounds until they gave me a job.
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