A conversation with Donald Trump
Donald Trump
Donald Trump born June 14th, 1946 (Gemini)
As it happens to many Gemini people, Donald Trump is predisposed to garden gnomes collecting addiction (pixabay photo)

Donald, do you like elk?
Certainly no!

Why you do not like elk, if I may ask?
To be frank, they stink! And one elk bite my uncle's leg. This is one of the motives I decided to become the Chief of the World, so I should probably reconsider my position on elk.

When your are not juggling nuclear weapons, which is your favorite pastime?
I think that collecting USB pens is a noble activity.

You must admit that your first executive orders have been strongly criticized. Which is the next move?
In due time, I will disclose my tax returns, but in Sudoku form. I remember that Kanye West wrote, "You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today".

President Trump, what are you plans about sport?
I think that currently most of the sports are a bummer. They miss that glitter that made people overcrowd the freak shows. In this regard, I want that some scientist design a lineup of mega detailed female replicants 100 feet high that play beachvolley but without too much useless artificial smartness.

You have been the recipient of several prizes. Can you tell us what is the first prize you ever won?
At the age of 8, I won the "Platinum Anteater Medal" assigned by the municipality of Atlanta for "noteworthy but nonessential businessing accomplishment".

As everybody knows, the problem of brucellosis in cows is reaching gigantic proportions. Are you doing something to mitigate the problem?
Jawohl! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a fan one night a month. The proceeds ($900/night) will be granted to an organization for the cure of brucellosis in cows.

Could you improvise a song for us.
Yep! Here it is

The baboon of sadness
The untamed baboon of sadness
dashes on the dismal plains of lonelyness
while I stare at the emptiness of my planet.
If only it had been the pork of sadness
I could have bacon at least.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Donald Trump's private telephone number :
3852364441 3448320806 8600723807 6549716915 3830985382 5922731911 6534306004 9490702383 9619885397 3388856997 7752322339 5363700004 4289617437 4908938703 5719575727 9812034533 9144940002 2451184046 990901654 8393060951
My chief had set up my hurried interview with Donald Trump days beforehand. Regrettably, I got stoned watching the DVD of "Jonah Hex". So, the transcript above is essentially based on what Donald Trump would have probably said if I have met him, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Shannyn Sossamon Jeff Bridges Burt Reynolds Michelle Trachtenberg Josh Duhamel Aimee Garcia Mary-Louise Parker Elizabeth Olsen SofĂ­a Vergara Garrett Hedlund Selena Gomez Chayanne Kate Mara Cary Elwes Denzel Washington Denise Crosby Jean-Claude Van Damme Sebastian Stan Aaron Paul
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.