President Trump, your first executive orders have been strongly criticized. Do you have other tricks up your sleeve?
When people will be distracted by Oscars, I promise I will make mosquitos illegal. I remember that Kanye West wrote, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work".
Your agent told me you are just back from a political tour in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be honest, I spent 3 full weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I saw daylight and realized it was not the Sheraton hotel. However, I learnt to bend fire, just a little.
Do you ever Google yourself?
Not so often anymore. Say every day or so. But lately Google says "Including results for Donald Tramp", who happens to be an archaeologist from Los Angeles. That's quite saddening, but not as much upsetting as finding that according to Yahoo my name is similar to a terrible vulgarity in Klingonese.
Which is your favorite snack?
Vegetarian burgers with applesauce, a rice grain, two mushrooms, and a bit of vermouth.
President Trump, you surely know that only 3 countries (USA, Myanmar, and Liberia) in the whole world do not use metric system. Have you planned something in this regard?
It is inconvenient that so many states don't envision the advantage of buying apples by the bushel or selling a gallon of water. So I plan to bribe the governors of Gondor and Elbonia to urge them to adopt the US customary units. Today Elbonia, tomorrow Botswana.
I've heard you are writing a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The actual details on my forthcoming book will soon be published in the book itself. What I can say now is that it will be my unauthorized autobiography. It will be tattoed on arms and legs of 700 volunteers that will be freed in Centennial.
If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
Probably a ferret. A big, fat, placid ferret, well fed and sleepy in a summer breeze.
Donald, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Donald's marvel". During one of my famed wanderings in the Amazon basin, I uncovered an unremarkable new shrub, now named Caradantilla antipoda, that blooms only every 4 years. It then gives fruits whose flavor reminds of watermelons and cigarettes. You have to be rich enough even to unlike it...
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