A conversation with Doris Day
Doris Day
Doris Day born April 3rd, 1922 (Aries)
Doris Day suspects that in an alternative astral plane she is a squirrel (pixabay photo)

Could you improvise a lyric for us.
Yeah! Here it is

The panther of sadness
The white panther of sadness
gobbles on the cloudy fields of madness
while I stare at the lonelyness of this planet.
If only it had been the pork of sadness
I could have bacon at least.

Doris, what’s your worst habit?
I obsessively tap my fingers on every object and also on people faces.

Which is the first prize you ever won?
I won the "Bronze Gopher Cup" assigned by the Mayor of Los Angeles for "unprecedented but gratuitous singing achievement" at the age of 9.

What’s the best sound in the world?
I think it is the comforting rustle of a roll of new banknotes kissing each other. However, my agent demands to write instead something more likeable, like "the soothing purr of a little kitten" or "the first word of your toddler".

What motivates you to sing?
Lack of oxygen, since singing is like breathing for me.

I've heard you are writing a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The details on my imminent book will soon be published in another book. What I can say here is that it will be a guide to choosing wallpaper, a long awaited work soon to be released in montly instalments.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Actually I do! I have a green squirrel on my foot. It contains a tracker, so I can be rescued if I am kidnapped, but unluckily it works better if I'm a little disrobed.

Doris, you seem to be always so sprightly and vivacios. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to admit it, but I do. I truly believe that every person has two sides. For example, when I look at another singer, I grit my teeth and my sight blurs. And then, without warning, I fight an impulse to expunge that fool from my sight and pirouette on her bleak coffin. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to know about it.

Doris Day refused to share her private telephone number, but here are some random numbers you can dream about :
4926332592 472743044 9983314339 7111272874 477578691 7756984177 9090609056 554188916 756333850 770473725 9681287917 631547798 890776241 6153048413 7267199525 997521273 5304734706 9510629133 9582318845 5827985673
My supervisor had patiently planned my brief exchange with Doris Day many weeks beforehand. Regrettably, I decided I had better things to do, like breeding gnats or collecting horseshoes. So, the transcript above is mainly based on what Doris Day would have probably answered if I have met her, as indicated by a telephonic poll involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.