Cookie Consent by An interview with Elsa Pataky
An interview with Elsa Pataky
Elsa Pataky
Elsa Pataky born July 18th, 1976 (Cancer)
According to his hairstylist Vladimir Putin is a great fan of Elsa Pataky. He has invited her for a 3 months stay in his summer residence. (source)

What's your earliest memory?
Usually only the 7th son of a 7th son has total recall, but I remember pretty well the moment I was born. It was a night in July. An almost lyric summer night, redolent of flowers and distant thunderstorm. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, soaked from head to toe with blood and other bodily fluids, in a room full of yelling people, running around like wingless flies. The first, but not the best day of my life...

Life seems better now.
Who gives a damn rat? My life is like an immersion in a pool of fire.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
I imagine a gerbil. A large, fat, poised gerbil, glutted and sleepy in a summer breeze.

What’s the best sound in the world?
I think it is the comforting tinkle of two diamonds caressing each other. However, my agent demands to write instead something more fashionable, say, "the soothing purr of a satisfied kitten" or "the heartening laugh of an angelic kid ".

Could you tell us something about the plot of your next movie?
Will do! The tentative title of the movie is "Paul, Karen and Daliro". Imagine a man and a woman, which live in Dallas, but they do not know each other. He is a cardiac technician while the woman is a killer. When Karen's pet armadillo Daliro got anemia they meet at the vet and fall in love. Then they begin a dangerous journey to search for Podospodea lobata (a rare tree which grows in Czech Republic only), whose roots can cure the armadillo.

You appear to be always so effervescent and sprightly. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to admit it, but I do. Everybody has two sides. Sometimes, when I bump into another artist, my vision goes black and I grind my teeth. And then, without warning, I experience the need to wipe out that moron from the earth and tap dance on her cold grave. That is my cheerful side... I let you imagine how dark my dark side is.

Elsa, you are always in fine fettle. Which is your secret?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of May I eat only blue foods, like blueberries, blue crabs, robin's eggs and blue jays died by natural causes.

Elsa, where will you go on your next vacation?
For my next holiday I rented a gorgeous palace in a secluded valley of Genovia. The only problem was finding a way to make a payment in bitcoins to the kindly landlord from Nigeria that proposed me the deal on internet.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Elsa Pataky's home telephone number :
2266731587 211170988 9676834437 249031232 6822343106 219244011 8157324575 6588090764 356497738 201095101 4083115647 2102638055 5368128817 4734761312 9232046710 7475491138 2494418792 2823304473 6262754547 584627479
To be frank, my supervisor had scheduled my hurried appointment with Elsa Pataky many months beforehand. Unfortunately, I got stoned watching a rerun of "Anaconda". So, the transcript above is mainly the recollection of a nightmare I had after a dinner of cabbage stew and raw broccoli.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.