What's your earliest memory?
Usually only the 7th son of a 7th son has total recall, but I remember pretty well the moment I was born. It was a night in July. An almost lyric summer night, redolent of flowers and distant thunderstorm. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, soaked from head to toe with blood and other bodily fluids, in a room full of yelling people, running around like wingless flies. The first, but not the best day of my life...
Life seems better now.
Who gives a damn rat? My life is like an immersion in a pool of fire.
If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
I imagine a gerbil. A large, fat, poised gerbil, glutted and sleepy in a summer breeze.
What’s the best sound in the world?
I think it is the comforting tinkle of two diamonds caressing each other. However, my agent demands to write instead something more fashionable, say, "the soothing purr of a satisfied kitten" or "the heartening laugh of an angelic kid ".
Could you tell us something about the plot of your next movie?
Will do! The tentative title of the movie is "Paul, Karen and Daliro". Imagine a man and a woman, which live in Dallas, but they do not know each other. He is a cardiac technician while the woman is a killer. When Karen's pet armadillo Daliro got anemia they meet at the vet and fall in love. Then they begin a dangerous journey to search for Podospodea lobata (a rare tree which grows in Czech Republic only), whose roots can cure the armadillo.
You appear to be always so effervescent and sprightly. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to admit it, but I do. Everybody has two sides. Sometimes, when I bump into another artist, my vision goes black and I grind my teeth. And then, without warning, I experience the need to wipe out that moron from the earth and tap dance on her cold grave. That is my cheerful side... I let you imagine how dark my dark side is.
Elsa, you are always in fine fettle. Which is your secret?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of May I eat only blue foods, like blueberries, blue crabs, robin's eggs and blue jays died by natural causes.
Elsa, where will you go on your next vacation?
For my next holiday I rented a gorgeous palace in a secluded valley of Genovia. The only problem was finding a way to make a payment in bitcoins to the kindly landlord from Nigeria that proposed me the deal on internet.
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