I'm here tonight with Frances Conroy, who just made her way through her last movie. Hi, Frances, and welcome to Celebrities Are Better Than You.
I say it was about time you folks invited me. I saw Michael Bolton the other night and, let me tell you, I did not like it a bit.
If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
Rosamund Pike. I imagine we feel the same about Ace Ventura.
When you were a little girl, did you see yourself as a professional actress?
Actually, no. My imaginary friend and I decided that I would have become a plumber. But, that's life.
If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
I figure a raccoon. A big, fat, placid raccoon, replete and dozy in a summer breeze.
Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my soul tougher, I periodically take a nap on a cot made of rough sandpaper and thorns liberally sprinkled with vinegar.
Your zodiac sign is Scorpio. Are you a typical Scorpio?
I don't think so! I'm sometimes surly, somehow sleepy, dogged and calm. My relatives say that I'm also a little contradictory but that I think it is common in artist.
What is your opinion about president Trump?
I gave my word to my grandma I would not talk dirty openly anymore, so I'd pretend I did not understand the question.
Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
Since I have discovered natural products, I can't wipe my privy bits with commercial brands anymore. My personal hand-made toilet paper is obtained from Hemimela recondita, an elusive green poppy that only grows in Mongolia.
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