An interview with Gary Oldman
Gary Oldman
Gary Oldman born March 21st, 1958 (Aries)
Few people know that Gary Oldman has registered a patent for a zero gravity salad mixer. (source)

Do you do your own shopping?
I don't believe so! I hire a gang of experts to compile my grocery list and texting it to a crew of pro buyers around the planet. For the clothes, I ever have a bunch of doubles, each sharing with me one body part measure.

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft or Professor Layton?
I don't know, I liked all of their movies.

Could you corroborate the buzz about your role in the shady incident of Sasquatch pictures?
Could I? Yeah! Do I want? Do you think i've lost my mind!

Does your assistant use a pseudonym when he books a limo? You know, to protect your privacy and to dodge groupies and paparazzi
Absolutely! We'll do whatever is necessary to run away from those hooligans. We usually use the moniker "Gary Oldmin".

On a scale of one to ten, how popular are you?
I'm not sure. Probably, I'm a four in Seattle, but a seven in Iceland.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a black zebra on my ankle. It implements a tracker, so I can be retrieved if I am kidnapped, but unluckily it works only if I'm a little au naturel.

Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
I can confess that I make my own exclusive brand. My personal toilet paper is obtained from Xerospana cataracta, an elusive blue rose that only grows in Nepal.

In an article appeared on Texan Journal of Theoretical Psychiatry, dr. Harold N. Russell described your movies as "a tragic embodiment of newfangled symbolic irrationalism". Anything to add?
I think that in his recent essay printed on Journal of Structural Experientialism, prof. Larry Bennett totally refuted that dubious point of view.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Gary Oldman's home telephone number :
3389476589 7102019117 2702624930 5776071766 2760273482 8169770298 5741803432 7601372921 204215981 8930359302 7010645726 6348354258 359112209 604241202 6446890893 4405262889 899524633 781842557 2517427771 203324387
To be sincere, my boss had patiently arranged my little exchange with Gary Oldman many months beforehand. Unfortunately, I realized at the last moment that I had better things to do, like breeding snails or walking my pet wombat. So, the interview above is essentially based on what Gary Oldman would have probably answered if I have met him, as indicated by a telephonic poll involving a couple of his fans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.