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A talk with Gene Wilder
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Gene Wilder
Gene Wilder born June 11th, 1933 (Gemini)
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Gene Wilder in a brilliant outfit meant to avoid annoying fans (pixabay photo)

Do you ever Google yourself?
Not so often. Say every day or so. But lately Google often asks "Did you mean Gene Welder", who happens to be a retired mathematician from Tucson. That's quite discouraging, but not as much worrisome as discovering that for Bing my name is similar to an awful insult in Yiddish.

Do you know Laura N. Torres (a former veterinary nurse, now an endocrinologist) from Sterling Heights?
Not personally, but my cousin has been briefly betrothed to her. Then there was half a scandal about Laura playing the game with every man in a radius of 40 miles, even barely breathing ones, so their engagement came to a hasty finale.

You are just back from a filming location in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be frank, I lived 4 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I got the idea it was not the Sheraton hotel. However, I learnt to move small things with my mind.

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft or Professor Layton?
Indy.

Could you suggest a remedy for hangovers?
Yes, here it is my instant cure. In case of need mix three parts of red wine, two parts of ground coffee and some crushed garlic. Drink the resulting potion every 25 minutes for 3 hours.

Can you authenticate the gossip about the heist of the Yeti DNA samples?
I say! I think you are showing an unexpressed desire to put a spoon in the wall, if you know what I mean. I know a guy who knows a guy that for $2000,... Oh, forget it! You like surprises, don't ya?

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
It is a groundhog. A large, fat, serene groundhog, glutted and dozy in a summer breeze.

Nowaday the problem of colitis in anteaters is reaching huge proportions. Is Gene Wilder doing anything in this respect?
For certain! I will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a fan one night a month. The profits ($1,000 per night) will be granted to an organization for the cure of colitis in anteaters.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Gene Wilder's secret telephone number :
9749971762 9470142238 8253291244 4654498502 3398244912 9631222590 3908468094 8127468585 445982803 8840550732 2556158417 6329800523 8723938039 2044175551 2290013184 8663529709 8754719077 3748221459 6043385212 7357267803
To be frank, my supervisor had arranged my interview with Gene Wilder many weeks beforehand. Unfortunately, I got stoned watching a rerun of "Son of the Mask". So, the interview above is mainly based on what Gene Wilder would have probably said if I have met him, as indicated by a telephonic poll involving a couple of random people.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Ali Larter Jack Nicholson Robbie Amell Natalie Martinez Lucas Black Gillian Jacobs Josh Gad JoJo Rebecca Ferguson Gillian Jacobs Jamie Campbell Bower Yvonne Elliman Colbie Caillat Rebel Wilson Skylar Astin AnnaSophia Robb Beyoncé Knowles Shannon Elizabeth Emily VanCamp
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.