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A talk with Gilbert O'Sullivan
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Gilbert O'Sullivan
Gilbert O'Sullivan born December 1st, 1946 (Sagittarius)
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Teepina, the dearest pet armadillo of Gilbert O'Sullivan, could also be used as a protein appetizer in case of edibles paucity after a natural disaster (pixabay photo)

In an article printed on Journal of Anthropological Research, prof. Jim Harris described your songs as "a supernatural summary of contemporary symbolic fatalism". Any comment?
Actually, I think that in his recent letter published on Canadian Journal of Symbolic Constructivism, dr. Douglas N. Nelson utterly disproved that superficial theory.

Gilbert, how do you invest the considerable fortune you make?
Well, I invested my stash in a money-making scheme devised by a financial genius named Charlie Punzi, an expert of hedge futures trading. I'll tell you his number, but I could not talk to him in the last few weeks.

Gilbert, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Gilbert's sensation". In the middle of one of my famed researches in the Hymalayas, I discovered an inconspicuous new tree, now named Myocypha ornata, that blooms only every 4 years. It then gives fruits whose flavor reminds of watermelons and olive oil. It sounds unpalatable, but it can easily cause dependency.

Gilbert, which is your trick to achieve unblemished skin?
Curiously, it is a weekly ablution with jello.

Gilbert, where did you go on your last break from work?
Last month I rented a chic villa in a hidden valley of Vanuatu. The contract included barbed wire aplenty to protect my privacy but also a crowd of local extras pretending to be delirious supporters to let me feel at home.

Your zodiac sign is Sagittarius. Are you a typical Sagittarius?
Naturally! I'm very cordial, somehow inert, cooperative and itchy. My relatives say that I'm also a little contradictory but that I think it is common in artists.

Could you tell us what's your earliest memory?
Only few people know that I have the power of total recall. Indeed, I remember pretty well the moment I saw the light. You know, it was a day in December. An almost perfect autumn day, distant thunders and a promise of electricity in a gust of wind. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, covered from head to toe with blood, in a room full of people yelling like banshees, moving around like drunken coyotes. The first, but not the best day of my life...

I'm blessed with amnesia.
You are a sissy. My existence is like a walk into perpetual discomfort.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Gilbert O'Sullivan's private telephone number :
2229277365 9273446597 8464729460 478120313 408333203 2399449669 2785430955 3371925960 9448458841 9232631367 6741830374 218519857 8139824094 6998049277 9759087598 9626680415 4241241021 3047083431 2072419657 3917738688
My supervisor had arranged my brief interview with Gilbert O'Sullivan several weeks beforehand. Unfortunately, my pet horse got common cold, so I had to skip the exchange. So, the interview above is essentially the impression of a dream that ensued after a copious dinner based on chorizo and deep-fried eggplants.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.