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A talk with Gloria Gaynor
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Gloria Gaynor
Gloria Gaynor born September 7th, 1949 (Virgo)
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Probably you don't know that the second time she was at the wheel of her hybrid sedan, Gloria Gaynor unwittingly drove over a befuddled hippo, with little consequences for both (pixabay photo)

Gloria, if I may ask, how do you invest the money you made with music?
If you have money to invest, I can give you the phone of some financial advisors from Serbia who can make you a juicy offer. Clearly, in case something goes snafu you'll become an organ donor on the spot.

What's the most uncanny nightmare that you remember?
Not actually a dream: I was alone in a bare dim place. A rotten stench persisting in the air. Then I realized I got stoned at a rerun of "LOL" in a murky cinema near Los Angeles.

If you could choose an animal to reincarnate in, which one would it be?
An armadillo.

Gloria, have you made resolutions for the New Year?
Actually, there have been some disputes with my agent, so to make a boring story short, next year I will be forced to use the name "Gloria Giynor".

In a paper printed on Croatian Criminal Transactions, dr. Raymond Evans has described your songs as "a tragic summation of present-day symbolic objectivism". Any comment?
Yes, I think that in his interesting article published on Texan Transactions on Mathematical Constructivism, prof. Robert Ortiz utterly invalidated that implausible point of view.

Gloria, you appear to be always so joyful and chirpy. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I believe that every person has a dark side. For example, when I see a so-called artist, my teeth chatter with fury and my vision dims. And all of a sudden, I experience the urge to expunge that fool from this planet and celebrate on her cold coffin. That is my sunny side... I let you figure out how dark my dark side is.

What do you have in your pockets?
As this transcription is a fabrication of your lascivious imagination, I'm probably completely au naturel, so no pockets at all.

What do you think about the international situation?
Rats! It's hard to believe it when you spend your days in a pink cloud, but there are regions where it is difficult to find even a decent moijto.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Gloria Gaynor's private telephone number :
3593444806 7043433495 8975971468 623570711 8785843666 946312381 786884685 7175463165 9391890141 4295055129 9394476881 5935066094 991786288 9099389895 4583425575 4676364336 8827725467 3511822473 7162646837 8499478247
I patiently queued up forever before being able to have a short exchange with Gloria Gaynor. The resulting article was great, like it was written by the spirit of Nabokov under the influence of too much absinthe. So, it was unlucky, to put it mildly, that my doctor by accident (I hope!) destroyed my only copy! After I buried the body (so to speak), I tried to recall those marvelous words. Actually, to be aboveboard here: I'm not really so confident this web page is a perfectly genuine report of what transpired during our exchange, and thus I'm beginning to question whether it actually took place...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.