A conversation with Gwen Stefani
Gwen Stefani
Gwen Stefani born October 3rd, 1969 (Libra)
Few people know that Gwen Stefani has registered a patent for an atomic baby stroller. (source)

Gwen, do you have something to say to young people?
Yep! Clinical research has demonstrated that sniffing gasoline like a vacuum cleaner may have obnoxious consequences, like loss of eyebrows or painful death. But fret no more! Buy "Gwen's shield", now with more Drepastigma bibullata tincture. Just $29.99 for 90 tablets. (Note : Not actually a cure. It usually may cause loss of vowels or induce paranoia. Sodium-free. One tablet supplies 100% RDA of depleted uranium).

As everybody knows, the problem of gastroenteritis in zebras is reaching monumental dimensions. Is Gwen Stefani doing anything in this respect?
Absolutely! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night a week. The proceeds ($1,400/night) will be granted to a charity for the cure of gastroenteritis in zebras.

Can you tell us what is the first award you ever won?
At the early age of 9, I won the "Bronze Wombat Prize" issued by the municipality of Los Angeles for "phenomenal and redundant singing achievement".

Could you suggest a remedy for hangovers?
Yes, in case of need mix two parts of cider, one part of mineral water and some tartar sauce. Drink the resulting brew every 15 minutes for 4 hours.

If I may ask, how do you invest the money you made?
I invested all my money in a money-making scheme developed by a financial guru named Charles Punzi, an expert of high-yield investment programs (whatever it means). I'll let you know his number, but he did not return my calls in the last month.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Actually I do! I have a green hedgehog on my arm. It implements a GPS, so I can be retrieved if I am abducted, but unluckily it works better if I'm slightly disrobed.

Your zodiac sign is Libra. May I read you your horoscope?
Do as you want, but I don't believe in zodiacal tomfoolery.

Today an upsetting work trouble and a mournful shortage of pleasure are threatening your spiritual enrichment, but with respect to next week today is a feast, so good luck.
Surprise surprise! You are dead on!

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Gwen Stefani's private telephone number :
6079300597 9480040893 4613808867 5267835692 7528210193 2353328911 2273616548 8515505742 9122580002 730487787 7643433801 5212857419 532187814 6692608060 2460110816 4971621517 6628494976 455735262 498791706 6418518420
I patiently dawdled for many weeks for an occasion to have a brief interview with Gwen Stefani. The resulting transcription was imposing, like "Angela's Ashes" rewritten by Harry Potter. It was highly unlucky that my ferret shredded my only copy! After I dissimulated devastating emotions, I made an effort to remember those amazing words. I want to be honest, I'm not really so certain this web page is an entirely accurate chronicle of what transpired during our exchange, and so I'm starting to question whether it actually took place...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.