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A conversation with Harry Styles
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Harry Styles
Harry Styles born February 1st, 1994 (Aquarius)
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Harry Styles always uses a rigorous method to choose his next move (pixabay photo)

Who are your heroes?
Jean-Paul Sartre, Ace Ventura, and myself.

Harry, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Harry's prodigy". In the middle of one of my famed wanderings in Tibetan plateau, I uncovered an unremarkable new tree, now named Gastrolacca asperata, that blooms only every 7 years. It then gives fruits whose flavor reminds of coconuts and glitter. It seems unattractive, but it can easily cause addiction.

When your are not singing, which is your favored pastime?
I think that color-washing troll dolls' hair rests my mind. I like to paint them in black and red.

I've heard you are writing a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The actual details on my imminent book will soon be published in another book. What I can say now is that it will be my unofficial autobiography. It will be tattoed on foreheads and backs of 900 volunteers that will be released in Memphis.

Could you suggest a remedy for hangovers?
I'm too young to wallow in booze. However, my cousin in case of need uses a mixture made of three parts of scotch, two parts of ground coffee and some tomato sauce.

Harry, have you made plans for the New Year?
Well, there is a complicate story connected to the estate of my late uncle, and so to get to dough, next year I will be known as "Harry Steles".

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It's a no-brainer: Jake Gyllenhaal, because I always liked him as Hermione Granger.

Which is your forthcoming musical adventure?
Next week I'll release a vinyl-only cryptic album of heavy metal covers of Joe Cocker greatest hits, sung in Bosnian, Javanese and Klingonese. It is so intimate and jet of global importance.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Harry Styles' private telephone number :
589418620 9475672310 7963967446 222411791 8935682175 9427328985 8796360722 5050629819 7886368531 4151626660 9277875808 777583349 554372300 6628174681 4061603195 7511128277 4238816224 2118823127 6102626134 284955251
To be frank, my director had patiently lined up my brief rendezvous with Harry Styles weeks beforehand. Regrettably, I got stoned watching a rerun of "Ishtar". So, the transcript above is mainly based on what Harry Styles would have probably answered if I have met him, as indicated by a telephonic poll involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.