A talk with Heather Nova
Heather Nova
Heather Nova born July 6th, 1967 (Cancer)
Heather Nova's experimental launch of a new cologne pour femme spiced with cabbage extract has been an inescapable misstep (pixabay photo)

An imaginary character you think to as an imaginary friend?
As my fans like to think, Benjamin Franklin, because of our similar way of living. In my imagination we both enjoy the company of cute hamsters.

Are you allergic to anything?
Yes, mainly to sodium bicarbonate, liars and coyotes.

What are you working about?
I'm writing the music score for a remake of "Big Top Pee-Wee", a masterpiece whose importance has not been fully recognized by critics.

Let's imagine for a moment there is somebody in a remote part of the world who'd never heard your songs. How would you describe your music to him?
It is difficult to think there is somebody so poor! As my publicist says, my music is like a cloying blueberry muffin with a rich nucleus made of gasoline.

Do you have any superpower?
Well... I can snorkel in boiling oil, since I was 7. Maybe this is not so remarkable in blond people with Romulan forebears.

If I may say so, Heather, you are also well known for your strange requests when staying in hotels. Can you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you may ask?
Lately I've found that I can't live without absinthe-infused chamomile-tea bags or dehydrated vodka delivered everyday to my door.

Do you like to cook?
To be frank, I believe that preparing food is a huge waste of energy, since there are friends and diners more than willing to deliver my daily RDA of fats and sugars. The few times I cook for my acolytes, I like to design salads. My gem is a mix of beef jerk and tofu, which I believe can be cool for both vegans and normal people.

Interesting! Would you like to share the recipe with us?
Maybe! You take the beef jerk and the tofu and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some salted brioches.

Do not mind, I derived the recipe from one for a sandwich. So you make those sandwiches, then you throw away the bread and mix beef jerk and tofu with some guacamole and you are done!

Heather Nova refused to divulge her secret telephone number, but here are some random numbers you can dream about :
4598509213 6534958607 8773927011 9963769383 3520418711 2604325646 2723548157 6701286893 4018237251 8707142740 6265031011 5357026512 5629545801 603341271 344551763 8064355705 3096963839 4254890972 2373393054 6115955123
I patiently scheduled a hurried interview with Heather Nova months in advance. The resulting transcription was wondrous, like "Gone with the Wind" rewritten by Daredevil. It was awfully untoward, to put it mildly, that my armadillo (maybe on purpose!) shredded my only copy! After I showed vital signs again, I tried to recollect those stunning words. To be honest, I'm not so certain this web page is a totally factual chronicle of what transpired during our exchange, and now I'm starting to wonder if it actually was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.