A talk with Helen Shapiro
Helen Shapiro
Helen Shapiro born September 28th, 1946 (Libra)
Helen Shapiro has signed a petition for the universal reintroduction of the Mayan calendar (source)

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To strengthen my character, I frequently meditate on a mattress made of fresh nettle.

Do you ever Google yourself?
Not so often anymore. Say every two hours. But lately Google often asks "Did you mean Helen Shypiro", who happens to be a retired rheumatologist from Tucson. That's quite distressing, but not as much worrisome as discovering that according to Bing my name is similar to a horrible blasphemy in Mongolian.

What’s the best sound in the world?
It is the relaxing jangle of two pieces of gold caressing each other. But please, write instead something more crowd-pleasing, like "the breath of your sleeping kid" or "the soothing purr of a pleased kitten".

If you could choose an animal to reincarnate in, which one would it be?
It's a no-brainer: a monkey.

Helen, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Helen's surprise". During one of my wanderings in the Atacama desert, I uncovered an unremarkable plant unknown to botanists, now named Halichorda inconspicua, which every 4 years blooms and produces fruits whose taste reminds of coconuts and Thousand Island dressing. It may seem uninviting, but it may cause addiction.

What's your favorite vice?
Surfing on the Internet instead of doing work. I expect that you are going to chastise me for that. Luckily another vice of mine is I don't give a shit.

You seem to be always so sunny and effervescent. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I do believe that each one has a dark side. At times, when I bump into another singer, my sight blurs and I shudder with hatred. And then, without warning, I sense the urge to close those gazing eyes for good. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to hear about that side.

Helen, do you like hamsters?
Nix on that!

For which reason you do not like hamsters?
First of all, they stink! And one hamster bite my cousin's private parts. That was one of the reasons I become a singer, so I should reconsider my relation with hamsters.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Helen Shapiro's secret telephone number is listed here :
3870546563 9855504752 972981563 3243183624 4878352997 3482474904 6442461940 8550583314 3507315696 8426807515 3097991058 9411638225 2063228923 2897504644 7721057291 817356219 6380472843 2999781014 7779060548 8614387843
Let's face it, singers are over-booked people. It's difficult for them to fix a meeting for an interview. So we decided to leave Helen Shapiro peacefully alone and to obtain the interview above without disturbing her. Thus, this web page is an an algorithmic transcription we obtained employing a computer program we supplied with all the available info about Helen.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.